The baby hates blogging time

***6/9/06 NOTES: Group Meeting on the Book of Mormon by Brother Dollar
          A. 2 Nephi 4:15 - upon these I write the things of my soul
          B. How did we get the Book of Mormon?
               1.  Translated by the prophet Joseph Smith.  It is convincing evidence that Joseph Smith is a true prophet of God.
               2.  If we remember how we got the Book of Mormon, we ill know how to use it.
                     Written by prophets --> abridged by Mormon --> hidden up by Moroni --> preserved by God --> translated by Joseph Smith
          C. What is the central message of the Book of Mormon?
               1.  It is another testament of Jesus Christ
               2.  Charity is the pure love of Christ.  Christ is pure love
               3.  He will not fail, his love will not fail, his church will not fail.
          D. Use the Book of Mormon to teach
               1.  Teach from it's fullness
               2.  1 Nephi 1:20 - the tender mercies of the Lord are upon all that believe
          E. How Can You Use the Book of Mormon?
               1.  1 Nephi 19:23 - liken all scriptures to ourselves
               2.  If your investigators never read the Book of Mormon, they'll never know it's true

***6/9/04 STUDY JOURNAL: Mosiah 29
          The Lord will answer our prayers if we are humble

***June 9, 2004 JOURNAL
           Kind of a somber morning for our district.  Kind of an off day, I think.  Like we were all in a down mood.
          We went to the referral center.  It wasn't as good an experience as before.  Probably because I wasn't that into it and neither was the rest of the district.
          I am a little excited that I get to play piano in the branch on Sunday.
          I don't know why I'm feeling down today.  Probably because I was telling Sister Hansen (who is assigned to the Hawaii Honolulu Mission) more about home.  Maybe I'm getting sick.
          GOOD: ran 1/2 mile, walked 1/2 mile with companion
          COMPANION: helped me make my bed
          GOALS: smile more, have a good day tomorrow, practice piano

14 March 2013 - The Baby Hates Blogging Time
Or Tactac just doesn't like being put down so I can type at the computer.  I think, he thinks I should be able to do both: carrying him and typing.  Come on Mommy!

When I was reading and typing my above journal entry I noticed how much enthusiasm for the day affects the day.  I wasn't in the mood to work that day and so what could have been great experiences at the referral center suffered because of my mood.  It's also true about chores.  The more I manage to be enthusiastic about the chores I dislike most: washing the dishes and folding clothes, the quicker they get done.  It's one of those, you've gotta fake it till you make it moments.

For a couple of weeks I had a story stuck in my head.  I was almost (but not entirely) sure it was told by President Henry B. Eyring and I thought it was at the last general conference.   It was about President Eyring's daughter who was pregnant and needed help and her visiting teaching companion shows up at her door.  But I could not remember anything else about the talk.  I read through a number of conference talks by President Eyring and couldn't find it. I watched through talks from last general conference thinking I may have confused speakers.  I could not find it.  In asking the Lord I felt I should Google it.  So I typed in the search bar: "President Eyring talk about daughter."  I didn't know how else to search it.  The first website listed had the right reference!  It was last conference.  It was President Eyring.  It was a talk given during the Relief Society general broadcast entitled, "The Caregiver."  My favorite quote from this talk is the tag line,"You will be strengthened and yet inspired to know the limits and extent of your ability to serve."  It really is a useful quote for me.  Sometimes I see other sisters in the ward with all their kids, or working and taking care of their family and I think to myself, I can barely handle three kids that barely listen to us as parents, that refuse to sit still in Sacrament meeting and everything else.  Reading this talk helped me feel better about what I am trying to do in the home and about our parenting skills.  It also reminded me of the talk by President Uchtdorf, "Forget me Not" which helped me stop comparing my weaknesses to the the strength of others.  The words of prophets bringing meaning and comfort to my life and the things I see as challenges.  It's easy for me to assume that I'm the only one that doesn't have it all together.  That I'm the only one that can't keep my house in order.  That I'm the only one that dislikes folding clothes that will end up on the floor and out of drawers within hours of all being neatly put away.  That I'm the only one that can't make it through the day without occasionally throwing my hands up in the air and wanting to give up on the day.  But, when I manage to push all of that clutter and noise out of my mind and focus on doing my best, not compared nor comparable to others, then I feel a greater sense of pride in my day and in my accomplishments.  And I know that as long as I am doing my best, the Lord will continue to strengthen me and my family.

I didn't realize I thought about home so much while in the MTC

***6/5/04 MISSION CONFERENCE NOTES

    1.  President William J. Williams

          A. Challenge to keep the doctrine pure - Dallin H. Oaks

          B. Teach the simple doctrine of the church

          C. Some times it is okay to say, "Well I don't know that, but here's what I do know..."

     2. President James G. Andrus

          A. We are here to learn what to be, then we won't be salesmen, we'll be Saints

          B. How do you judge a missionary's success - we judge not by any numbers but by the attributes of the Saviour that we see in their grandchildren

          C. The Saviour will know us because we will be like him

          D. The people we teach will pick up the attributes we project

          E. If we stay tuned we will pick up the attributes of our Saviour

          F. We change as we are called to serve and as we serve we gain the attributes of Christ

     3. Sister Andrus

          A. We live in an impatient world

          B. We get frustrated or impatient when things are slow

          C. "Be still and know that I am God"

          D. Everywhere in nature demonstrates patience

          E. "continue in patience until ye are perfected"

          F. The opportunity for patience comes to each of us in different ways

          G. Patience is not a gift, it must be cultivated

          H. Bearing pain calmly

          I. Patience is not indifference, it is caring very much, but being willing to submit to the Lord

          J. Just because we are willing to move on doesn't mean those around us are ready

          K. Christ is the perfect example of patience

          L. Do not let discouragement overcome us, be patient with ourselves

          M. Prayer + Patience --> The Lord with his patience for us, will help us gain patience

***6/5/04 PERSONAL STUDY JOURNAL NOTES: Studying/Teaching by the scriptures

          --The scriptures are useless unless we apply them to our own lives

          A. Know and describe the background

          B. Use relevant scriptures

          C. Let them read the scriptures

          D. Make it easy to find - know the page numbers

          E. Don't pick scriptures that are condemning

          F. Break it down

          G. Use questions to gauge understanding and encourage thought, questions and application

***June 5, 2004 JOURNAL

          This morning started out kind of slowly.  It was alright for most of the day, I was not all here.  Although not depressing my thoughts kept on returning to home.  I really wish there were more hours in the day.  I'd like to be able to study more and to write to more people at home.  I'm hopeful tomorrow isn't going to be hard like last Sunday.  But at least I know I will be able to go to the temple on Monday.

          Every time I learn about the sacrament i gain a deeper appreciation for it.  We talked on it some yesterday.  It helped me to re-realize that we re-new covenants.  All covenants made.  Every week the Lord gives us a chance to try again.  So great!

          We got to teach the first discussion to Elder Foster and Elder Ale tonight.  Elder Ale is from Maui.  The spirit was strong during that time.  It's really great.  Elder Ale has such a strong testimony of the gospel.  He's only been active again for a year or so, and he says he doesn't know much about the gospel.  But when he bears testimony there is no doubt in my mind that he know i'ts true.

          GOOD: learned the fourth discussion, had some time to think to myself

          COMPANION: working on being able to see the good in people, working on trying to say more sincere prayers

          GOALS: simple summary - 4th discussion, pay attention during sacrament meeting, have a good day, not to feel too homesick, smile

3 January 2013

Uhgg.  It's the pits when one spends the whole day cleaning and loses something important...  Or when one spends lots of time folding clothes and the baby decides to re-organize said clothes.

It's been a long, slow process (because I move slowly these days) (two days ...  o.O) to rehab the upstairs of the house after week of fun.  Week of fun was totally worth it!  Also downstairs was forced to stay clean because we had family over for the new year.  Upstairs wasn't too bad, I'm just slow at folding clothes.  But all the clothes are folded now, and there's just pwopwo's room left to be cleaned and to put her clothes away.  I dread putting the kids clothes away most weeks, because without fail one of them will decide that all their clothes needs to be pulled out of the drawers and spread out on the floors.  And only one of them knows how to, albeit reluctantly, put clothes away.

In November I started working on a home management binder and a planner binder.  I will talk more about these later.  I want to get my personal system straight first.  They have both been very useful, as I can't find an app on my kindle fire that can do everything, the way I want it.  Also there's something about writing things down on paper and being able to cross it off that appeals to me.  It's my planner binder that I've managed to misplace in all my cleaning.  I'm sure it will beanbag (for future reference) frog itself tomorrow.

I want to remember today that I feel blessed and loved by a loving Heavenly Father, by my wonderful, amazing husband, by the crazy babies and Dwight the Dog.  Thank you Finale of Les Miserables: "To love another person is to see the face of God!"

2013

***6/4/2004 MEETING NOTES: How to Begin Teaching
          1. Gaining trust through the spirit: The unique thing about our message it it's either true or it's not - will only know through prayer
          2. Be gentle, sincere honest, enthusiastic and positive
               a. who you are
               b. why you are there
               c. what the message can do for them

***June 4, 2004 JOURNAL: We were humbled
          We did the 2nd discussion twice this morning at the resource center.  Good experience.  We were taped and should have got feed back but Bro. Robinson wasn't that worried about Sis. Wagstaff and me.
          Part way through our MDT, (missionary directed time) Elder Wright, was trying to get us to convince him, about why he (posing as an investigator) should change his life.  After some people tried, I told him to ask Elder Duthrie (a convert of just over a year at the time.)  And we were humbled.  He reminded us that it's the spirit that converts, not us, and that we should remember the basic doctrine and not get so caught up in deep doctrine.
          GOOD: taught the 2nd and 3rd discussion, played volleyball
          COMPANION: teaches by the spirit, patient, willing to learn, humble, fun
          GOALS: obtain principles in 4th discussion, start looking over 5th/6th discussion, smile

1 January 2013

Sneaking one in here before the day ends.  Going back to life as normal after week of fun is generally depressing.  That will be for tomorrow.

Up until a couple of years ago, we were allowed to play with fireworks in Hawaii.  The past two years have been boring on New Year's Eve.  There are folk that go out and buy permits to purchase and burn legal firecrackers to pop.  Then there are the one's who get the illegal stuff and burn them for us all to enjoy.  The babies didn't make it until midnight, and I almost didn't make it either.  But we did spend New Year's Eve and New Year's Day together with our family.  That is what mattered to me the most.  The food was great!  We grilled meat and sausages and had some soup and baked beans for New Year's Eve.  When we played tetris on xbox and watched movies and tv to keep ourselves awake between short naps.  We have a tradition in the Smith family of local Hawaiian food for New Year's Day.  We prepared, wrapped and cooked pork and pork and fish laulau.  Nakeu made squid luau, kalua pig and lomi salmon and also boiled peanuts.  Mommy-Daddy have a sushi tradition, so they brought over rolled and cone sushi.  Jorell and Leilani brought some lumpia.  Oh, so yummy!

Back to it then

For some reason I had two journal entries this day ...

***6/03/04 JOURNAL: ATTRIBUTES OF CHRIST - Patience
          I know I've been given lots of opportunities this week that have really tested my patience.  I don't feel like I'm doing very well though, because I still get really angry and although it's not an outward aggression it's still there.  And I know I can't feel the spirit until I am no longer angry.

***June 3, 2004 JOURNAL: THURSDAY
          I was pretty upset this morning.  A lot of stuff piled on and my companion was late getting ready so we missed breakfast.  But I realized I had to get over that in order to be able to learn and to teach.  We taught the 1st discussion to some volunteers this morning.  That was nice.  definitely got some feedback only possible through converts, because they've been there before.  We also went to the Evaluation center.  We met with a Bro. Wagstaff.  He was really helpful because we were working on two specific goals: 1) making bold, direct commitments and 2) creating more of a discussion environment by asking questions.  He taught us how to ask questions on different levels, starting from basic and moving through to more in-depth questions.
          Got to play volleyball.  That was definitely a good release of energy.

30 December 2012

Few things compare to taking a month long, unannounced hiatus then just as unexpectedly jumping  back into things.

December has been a good month for us.  I had not given up on this blog.  I just needed to get settled into some changes before portioning out time to blogging again.

Toward the end of November we found out that Lloyd received a scholarship (Mahalo Kealii Pauahi!) which would allow him to attend preschool from January 2013 - June 2013.  These scholarships are awarded twice a year, and I missed the first round deadline.  There were three available openings at the Seagull School I wanted him to attend located on the Kapolei Elementary School Campus.  We were the second family to put in a deposit in an attempt to hold a spot until January when his scholarship would be active.  Nakeu and I were both concerned that, that spot may not be available in January as the director of the school was unable to to tell me firmly if they would hold his spot, with a deposit, in the case of other families starting full-time in December.  After a short deliberation and feeling we could afford it for one month, Nakeu and I decided to start Lloyd at the beginning of December, part-time, to help him get adjusted and at a slightly cheaper rate.  Our mornings are so quiet without him!  I can't imagine what it will be like on Wednesday when he'll be gone the whole of the day! :(

I had some Christmas things I wanted to do.  I did, on a smaller than I thought, scale make Christmas binders for the babies with coloring pages for songs and stories.  I had too many pages planned and not enough binder space.  So the project got scaled back, but was still successfully completed!  I have always wanted to make chocolates to give out at Christmas time.  In November I found (thank you Pinterest) some easy chocolate recipes to test.  Again this project was scaled back, but it was successfully completed in that I was able to make and give out some chocolate boxes.  The inside of the house was far more decorated, although scaled back from my glorious visions, than in years past.  Nakeu dressed up as Santa.  We made cookies for Santa and had a great Christmas Eve dinner where we formally dressed up the babies because Nakeu and I were too tired from getting dinner and babies and house ready for Christmas Eve to consider dressing up for a formal dinner.

If you noticed the theme of this year was to scale things back.  But the beauty is that we still had a great Christmas!  Not everything needs to get done and not everything needs to be big in order to be special and enjoyable.  And everyone was/is still happy.

One last memory I want to keep.  Early in December, in a phone conversation, Nakeu suggested purchasing only one gift for each other this year.  Then during "Week of Fun" (yes, from Christmas to New Year's when we are both off from work, with the exception of Nakeu who has to work tomorrow) if we find things we want to buy or other things that we need, we could purchase it then.  I had to make sure that Nakeu meant he also would only buy me one gift and I would buy him only one gift.  We agreed, which meant I needed to figure out how he would, if he were to bend the rules.  So on Christmas day we both broke the rules slightly, but the idea was there where we each had one gift from each other to open.  It was a great idea!  The next day the babies were with grandparents so we walked around Ross and picked up a few things that we liked and called it good.  Scaling back.

This year is a lesson in less is definitely more!

Happenings of the Day

***6/2/2004 MEETING NOTES: The Atonement of Jesus Christ - Bro. Dollar
          1. 2Nephi4:15 - The atonement: So sacred and special, it is spiritual learning
          2. Why should we focus on the atonement? Elder Holland:
               A. The atonement was/is a voluntary sacrifice for all pain, sickness, affliction, and sin because Christ loves us.
               B. The atonement is the compassionate foundation
               C. Every truth a missionary teaches is an appendage to the central message that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, the Holy Messiah, the promised one, the Saviour and the Redeemer
                    1) The point of the restoration is so we can have access to the atonement again
                    2) Sacrifice, for us, is necessary to understand Christ's sacrifice
          3. What does it mean to have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ?
               A. To believe the He is
               B. To live by His teachings
               C. Understanding that it is only possible through Christ's grace
               D. The first act of faith is not waiting for Him, but asking Him
          4. The importance of the atonement:
               A. It is the repeating message of the Book of Mormon: Have faith, repent, be baptized, the Holy Ghost
               B. It is the ever present power to call upon in everyday life.  Whenever we are racked or harrowed up or tormented by guilt or burden, He can heal us.  Pres. Packer.

***June 2, 2004 JOURNAL: One Week In
          So it's been a week.  It's true that the days seem like weeks and the weeks seem like days.
          Got to teach the 1st discussion today.  Such an awesome experience.  The spirit was so strong.  We started by singing a song. <GOOD IDEA: SIS. WAGSTAFF>  That was good for us.  We were a little discouraged after trying to teach Bro. Robinson.
          Feeling kind of down today.  I don't know why.  Homesick again, I guess.
          GOOD: Sang songs, taught 1st discussion
          COMPANION: got stitches twice, dad flies an airplane
          GOALS: Smile, have a good day

28 November 2012

The babies woke up and decided they wanted to wear jackets today.  60 degree weather in Hawaii = jackets for babies.

We are still waiting patiently for our pictures to come in from Olan Mills.  I am still convinced that our pictures were involved in the unfortunate 140 car crash that happened in Texas over the Thanksgiving holiday.  It is still early.  The projected arrival date for our pictures is 10 Dec 2012.  But the lady at the picture place got my hopes up and excited because she mentioned they've been experiencing quicker turn around times, like under a week.  Uh.  Patience.

Cleaning up the house this week.  Thankfully, Nake'u was home all of the Thanksgiving Holiday.  That really helped to keep the house clean.  Now I'm focused on upstairs. ... uh.  No one likes cleaning upstairs.  Probably because it's more utility than anything else.  We are the only ones that come upstairs.  So if it's a little more lived-in than downstairs, no one really knows.  But, I still have this obsession with an entirely clean home.  Most likely a result of too much tv.  Because you could never predict when a random television (or feevee if you are Pwopwo) crew will show up at your home, welcome themselves in and tell you, your house is a mess or that you are a hoarder.

It is not even December yet and we may well be the last ones to put up our outdoor Christmas decorations.  We got our tree on Black Friday, as usual and used the first Family Home Evening night there after to decorate our tree.  But of the seven visible homes in our cul-de-sac, we are one of two that haven't put up our outdoor decorations yet!  It's not even DECEMBER!  We'll catch up.  Probably in December, when outdoor decorations should be put up.

Lloyd already asks me if it's Christmas every morning when he wakes up. I have decided against doing an Advent count-down for the babies.  It was a ton of work last year and we didn't make it out of the first week.  This year we'll plan daily activities.  One thing I want to do and have been working on is making coloring pages of Christmas songs, so we can learn and sing together.  That will be fun.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts

Day 17 and going strong.  Now that that's been stated, tomorrow will likely be a bust!

It should be known and noted that while I was in the MTC, we were not memorizing discussions.  We were using outlines and encouraged to teach by and with the Spirit.  We were told that the teaching methods were changing and a big change would come while we were in the mission field.  After a very few months of being out in the field we were introduced to Preach My Gospel.  I still love that book.

Also, there will be some notes from my personal scripture study and it should be noted that we were encouraged by our District President to study 2 Nephi 9 for 30 days.

***5/28/2004 NOTES of note from group meetings and classes:
          -"Ok, Lord, what can I do next?"  Then follow with exactness
          -Every good thought that comes to your mind is guidance from the spirit ... -Richard G. Scott
          -Get in --> Get powerful --> Get out!
          -At the end, invite them to change
          -Our goal is to help people come unto Christ
          --2Nephi9:  atonement is infinite and eternal, without the atonement we cannot return to God
               -righteous before = righteous after, filthy before = filthy after
               -Endured the crosses of the world: -joy shall be full forever  -so-- worth it!
          --Teaching No Greater Call: Teaching with Testimony: "... Nothing short of a testimony by the power of the Holy Ghost would bring wight and knowledge to them - bring them to repentance...." Pres. Young

*** May 28, 2004 JOURNAL: Day Three
          I got mail today.  I almost let it get to me.  I wanted to open it right there in class.  But I know the Elders were getting anxious about letters and so, so I'm thankful for teh example of my companion to put it away until a later time.
          The spirit is so strong here, and I'm grateful for it.  It helps me to learn at a much more accelerated rate than I would be able to do outside of the MTC.  And the spirit isn't afraid to testify of the truths, the doctrines and the principles that we learn here.  I'm grateful for the teachers that unload this wealth of knowledge on us - and like sponges we just take it all in.  I'm grateful for Elders that are excited about missionary work and push our district to newer and higher levels.
          GOOD: on time to more things, learning by the spirit, bore testimony, memorization
          COMPANION: humble, patient, helpful

17 November 2012

On waking up early.  I trained myself to be an early riser because in high school I needed to be on a bus that left at 6:15 am.  There after waking up early was not difficult for me.  In college, taking early classes meant I didn't have to be in class all at once in the middle of the day and could usually avoid evening and late afternoon classes, which I liked.  Waking up as a missionary at 6:30 am was not difficult for me.  Even now, my husband and I are early risers.  I see great benefits of being in the habit of an early riser.  We get to enjoy quiet time together before the babies wake up, although, they don't sleep much past 6:30 am.  We are able to get a lot done in the mornings before the sluggish post-lunch time of the day.  More accomplished in the morning/pre-noon time means less that needs to be done later.  It's not for everyone, but it works for us.

Today we took our annual pictures.  This year we went to the Olan Mills at KMart.  In previous years we'd go to Sears.  I had a coupon for cheaper and good looking Christmas greetings and cheaper great portraits that I am so excited about.  It's going to be like waiting for forever for the next two weeks until we get our pictures and cards.

As I type, I'm sitting here watching Nake'u play with Alessandra.  Pwopwo has her daddy wrapped and knows how to work him over.  And Nake'u loves that about her.  The babies love him and they love playing with him and that makes me smile.  I know there will be times in the future when our babies will disagree with us and hate us, so I am soaking in these moments when they love us.

First day in the MTC

We made it to the MTC!

***May 26, 2004 JOURNAL: First Day In
          I didn't cry.
          Talked to mom yesterday/last night.  Normal stuff.
          Talked to dad after waiting at the airport for four hours.  Yeah, they were late.
          The MTC is alright.  We haven't really done anything yet so we'll see how it goes tomorrow.
          GOOD: helped my companion, talked to people at dinner, tried to be on time, played piano, bore testimony
          COMPANION: Sister Wagstaff:  Six of nine in her family.  From Heber City, Utah.  Likes tennis.  Likes being near the lake in her town.  Has wanted to go on a mission for a few years.  Has been to the temple once.  Has a testimony of the gospel.  I'm grateful to have been blessed with such an easy going companion.  I know that as we spend more time together we will help each other to learn more of the gospel and come to love one another.
          GOALS FOR TOMORROW: get to activities on time, bear testimony, smile, talk to people in our district.

14 November 2012

Prior to arriving at the MTC I was picked up from the airport by my mom's sister, Aunty Elsalyn.  I had a few hours' wait at the SLC airport, which we will attribute to God and His Orchestration.  While waiting I was able to observe a small family gathering together, maybe 12 people.  They had balloons and welcome home signs.  I remember watching them wait with excited anticipation.  I remember seeing the sister missionary as she was reunited with her family after , what I imagine to have been a successful 18-months of service.  It suddenly felt like such a short amount of time.  I mean, here I entering the MTC and soon I would be home.  I wanted that same look of success and satisfaction that I saw on her.

The weather is starting to cool off bit in the early mornings, which makes for cuddle weather.  Today we'll be tackling the cleaning up the house more.  Having the babies sort out toys that we can sell or donate to make room for new stuff that they will be getting in the coming months.  Still so, so excited about Christmas. Scheduling  picture taking, ordering Christmas greetings and sending them out.  :)

Going to the temple

Monday.  Monday.

***May 10, 2004 JOURNAL: Temple
          I went to the temple on Saturday (5/8).  I feel like that is the best thing I've ever done.  I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had (and now have) to attend the temple.  I'm grateful for the prep-classes that were offered to me.  I felt very ready when I got there and I wasn't scared.  Sister Munsen talked to me in the instructional room.  I'm grateful for the advice some people gave me before I went it.  It was way more important to listen for/identify the promptings of the spirit, rather than worry myself about trying to understand everything all at once.  I know that greater understanding will come as I continue to attend the temple and as I continue to live my life in accordance with the principles of the gospel.  Someday I hope to be able to work there.

12 November 2012

I believe my kids are rock stars.  I love watching them grow and learn and be happy everyday.  The more I spend time with my kids, the more I learn about how Heavenly Father must feel about me.

Got My Temple Recommend!

Just telling you about my life at the time.  Since I received my call to serve as a missionary I made myself very busy attending church meetings and spending time with friends.

***May 2, 2004 JOURNAL: It's a Sunday
          Got my temple recommend signed by President Paet.  Went to the branch for Sacrament.  I miss the branch.  I'm so glad the people in the branch "hang out" a lot more than they used to.
          Leo came over to help us move some stuff yesterday.  I haven't seen her in a long while.
          Penny leaves the night of my party.  Went to her house yesterday.  I enjoy hanging out at her house.  Her nephews are so much fun.  I'm glad she stayed as long as she did.
          Greg has been over more.  We've been having fun doing fun excursions together and watching movies.
          This has been a re-telling more than anything else.  How I feel about things are hard at the moment.  I've been very tired this past week.  In part due to lack of sleep and part due to lack of good sleep.
          Here is what I know: I'm leaving to serve the Lord in less than a month.  I'm going.  I am going to serve for 18 months.  As long as I have that set in my mind I know I'll be alright.  That is my focus.  As long as I can focus on leaving and keeping myself straight, I am alright.

11 November 2012

I am a cryer.  I never anticipated being the crying woman in the movies and when my babies do great things.  Today was the Primary presentation in our ward.  For one song just the 4-6 year-olds sang.  I cried.  Not hysterically.  Just the welling up of tears that start to drip un-control-ably.  He usually yells his favorite part, "...the best, I can ..." and my heart just swells.  It's hard to believe he's four-years-old.  I see him as ageless.  All I know is he's my baby.

Gratitude

Do you know how many people would know if I skipped out on blogging for one day?

***JOURNAL: March 4, 2004
          I'm grateful for this journal and I'm glad I'm writing again.  It allows me to see progression in myself.  It acts as a compilation of thoughts, quotes, ideas and letters.  It is my space to think out loud which is necessary for me because I don't talk to very many people about that things that are bothering me.  I've found I'm grateful for a lot of things.  Rain, of course (whoo-hoo we're expecting another storm!)  I'm grateful for the branch.  Funny though, because I never wanted to go to the branch.  I had already belonged to the singles ward in Oregon and wanted to be in a home ward over my breaks.  I'm grateful for all the opportunities I've had to serve in the branch.  I'm beginning to see how everything in my life fits together.  I would never had made it to the University of Oregon if I had stayed at Nanakuli High.  Kamehameha allowed an environment that would help me to grow in ways not possible anywhere else.  I know it was not meant for me to go to any BYU campus, not that I wanted to either.  I went to a BYU open house one year in high school, the speaker got up and said, "Church college is not for everyone.  Just because you are a member of this church does not mean you need to attend BYU."  I said, amen and was ready to leave.  I thought Oregon fit me much better.  I needed to be in a place that allowed me to make my own decisions, without so many straight out restrictions.  A place where people din't know me yet.  Somewhere that I could be myself without expectations.  Overall, Oregon was a good experience for me.  I met some great people and there are some memories I know I'll never forget.  Leaving school early was necessary.  I can see how I've grown in ways I never thought possible.  I've collected traits, quirks, habits, and other stuff from the different places that I've been and the different people I've met.  These are things I can keep with me forever.  Long after I grow out of t-shirts and pens run out of ink.  I'm grateful for all the things the Lord has provided for me - especially the people he has allowed me to meet.  I feel I have reached a mini-climactic point in "The Book of Ari's Life."  It's that point where you can see how everything you've read form the beginning is falling into place.  You can see why certain decisions had to be made and why particular roads had to be taken.  You can guess at what this should all resolve to, but you read on to find out how it all works out.

8 November 2012

It has been a marathon kind of day today.  And in all things today, I am grateful for my husband.  Especially on days like to day, I'm grateful I said yes and was temple ready when he was.  Preach My Gospel talks about how the Lord is preparing us to meet specific people and preparing them to me us.  I believe that was the case with Nake'u and me.  He is everything I asked Heavenly Father to give me in an eternal companion and so much more.  I love you, Nake'u Smith.  Thank you for all you've done to make today easier than it would've been to take our two babies, and infant client to two doctors appointments where we were in each doctor's office for over an hour. Then cooking yummy get-better soup for all of us sicky-faces.  "You're the best" doesn't even begin to describe.

Uh, the time I wanted to give up on house chores

Some personal study notes.  I noticed I was not very good at dating this material.  It is all from January - February 2004

*** PERSONAL STUDY
HOPE - A state of longing for or anticipating something good
HOPE IN CHRIST - An assurance that a longing for or an anticipation of eternal life will be realized

PEACE - A cessation of conflict or turmoil, a tranquil state
PEACE IN CHRIST - That tranquility of mind and soul which comes with a brightness of hope in Christ

REST - An escape from activity or use of mental and physical energy
REST OF THE LORD - To gain a perfect knowledge of God's work in this life and to enter into the fullness of the glory of God, either in this life or the next

***2/4/04 PERSONAL STUDY: Alma 22-29
          -to receive eternal life we must repent of our sins, be baptized and have faith in the words of Christ
          -the Amalakites and the the Amulonites did not join the church because their hearts were hardened against the truth ... having once known the truth and had already chosen not to believe
          -Evidence of true conversion of the Lamanites: 1. did not want to go to war for fear of breaking the commandments of God.  2. Had a testimony of the mercy of God.  3. Held true to their word and died for their beliefs

*** PERSONAL STUDY: Ch. 32 Formula for Developing a Testimony
          -be humble --> learn wisdom
          -become humble -->repentance -->find mercy -->endure to the end  -->blessings
          -have faith -->be believing -->be baptized -->great blessings
          You must sincerely believe, then continuously cultivate that belief.  Scripture study builds faith: Bruce R. McConkie, "Those who study, ponder and pray about the scriptures, seeking to understand their deep and hidden meanings, receive from time to time great outpourings of light and knowledge from the Holy spirit. ... a sudden rush of ideas."

***PERSONAL STUDY: Alma 34-35
          If the atonement had not been made, all mankind would unavoidably perish.  All would be lost.

7 November 2012

I tried to post this blog earlier this morning, but I hadn't decided on what to write in for today's journal entry. Then I had an epiphinistic moment of rather self-depressic proportion.  I had my list of to-do's for the day ready to go.  I try to to-do list myself everyday, but it was especially important today because I am in charge of the mutual night tonight up at the church with the Young Women.  I was trying, as efficiently as possible with two young children and  my infant client, to make my way down my to-do list.  Wednesday is surfaces day and I meant to steam the downstairs floor.  We own a Shark Vac then Steam, which I have loved since we bought our first one two years ago.  But for the second time in two years it broke a month outside of it's manufacturer's warranty.  And I had just started steaming the floor.  I wasn't even 5% done.  Grrrr.  It's moments like those where I generally choose to throw the internal adult temper-tantrum  and put myself in time out.  I mean, why plan out my day for success when something as unpredictable as steam-vac breaking down was going to ruin my chances?  Uh.  After that all I wanted to do was shut down, watch tv with the babies and eat every chocolaty- sweet thing I could get my hands on.  I generally don't need to be depressed or sad to indulge in chocolaty- goodness, but it makes me momentarily feel better.  Instead, I allowed myself a short, mental break, took my big-girl pill (which may or may not have been a chocolate treat ...) and decided that I can't let one hiccup in my day shut down all production.  So, it wasn't meant for me to get the downstairs floors all steamed before dinner time.  So, the couches will stay stacked on the one side until later tonight when I replace our steamer.  So, what?  Let it go and move on.  Uh, uh, uh.  Tough lesson there.  Now, onto other productive things that I can scratch off my to-do list and still feel successful today.

Notes from Sunday Lessons and a Lesson on Discipline

*** 2/8/04 SUNDAY LESSON NOTES: Walking in the Path That Leads to Eternal Life
          John 7:17, "If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself."
          Lessons Learned: 1. Go and do what you're supposed to do, then you will know of it's truth.  2. It is our duty to keep the commandments of God.  3. If you are doing what's right you won't be led astray

***2/15/04 SUNDAY LESSON NOTES: Persistence
          My Def: The act of continually trying at something until you succeed at it or become so tired of it that you give up.
          Emerson: "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do - not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our power to do is increased."
          Persistence in our goals and desires, helps us to be the architect of our own lives.

***2/22/04 SUNDAY LESSON NOTES: Being Grateful
          When we give thanks for all things we see the eternal perspective
          Doctrine and Covenants 138:12 "And there were gathered together in one place an innumerable company of the spirits of the just, who had been faithful in the testimony of Jesus while they lived in mortality;"
          Doctrine and Covenants 138:30 "But behold, from among the righteous, he organized his forces and appointed messengers, clothed with power and authority, and commissioned them to go forth and carry the light of the gospel to them that were in darkness, even to all the spirits of men; and thus was the gospel preached to the dead."
          Doctrine and Covenants 59:7 "Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things."

6 November 2012

Some months ago I was really having trouble keeping up with the two kiddies, my business and cleaning the house.  I had gotten into the habit of thinking that everyone else's house is always the "pink of perfection" and our home is the only cluttered home that would never make magazine pictures.  I had a cleaning schedule I was good at following pre-Alessandra.  But post-second-baby I lost the schedule and had fallen out of following it so I couldn't remember it

 Pinterest showed me a schedule someone else swore up and down by, and since it's easier to be told what to do than to make decisions about boring things, I've been following it ever since.  Here's the thing, though, the cleaning schedule:
     Monday - All Laundry, Tidy up around the house, sweep/vac main floors
     Tuesday - Bathrooms
     Wednesday - Surfaces, Windows and All Floors
     Thursday - Organization project
     Friday - Tidy and sweep/vac main floors
is easy to follow but useless if not followed.  Yesterday I attempted to get back into the discipline of washing, folding and putting away all laundry in one day.  I was great (much better than usual) at getting all the laundry washed and dried.  I folded most, but not all.  I did put away what I folded, so that was good.  It took an incredible amount of discipline to get multiple loads of clothes washed and dried.  I had set the timer on my phone each time so I wouldn't lose track of the time and still had to convince myself to put down what I was doing each time to take care of the laundry.

The lesson - life takes discipline.  Self-Mastery and discipline.

Happiness in Life

I wanted to share the following quote that mommy shared with us in a family home even lesson on the importance of Journals and Record Keeping

***2/2/04 JOURNAL QUOTE: Spencer W. Kimball
          "...Each of us is important to those who are near and dear to us - and as our posterity read of our life's experiences, they, too, will come to know and love us.  And in that glorious day when our families are together in the eternities, we will already be acquainted."

I'm stacking two days together here because they are related and short.  I'm trying to get through the things I want to record and remember from the beginning of the year before I jump into April and May where I get my call and leave respectively.

***February 12,02004 JOURNAL: Feeling Better
         I notice that my tone in writing and choice of worlds differs depending on my mood.  I'm really glad to be feeling better.  Overall I'm just a thinky person.  Because of that I tend to draw stupid, hypothetical conclusions - then fret over it.  But somehow, within the past few days, I managed to let go of that.  Yesterday was a good day.  I read the lesson for institute and found greater understanding that I ever have before.  But more so trying to find application to my life.  I also read the lesson for RS on Sunday.  I was a nice kind of sedate day.  Although I was still overly thinky, I wasn't freaking out all that terribly and even managed to talk about the gospel with some co-workers.
***February 13, 2004 JOURNAL
          I feel happy.  I n a really good mood, which is nice because it's been awhile since I've been in my happy space.  I'm not sure how long this will last - but I'm not letting go of it all too soon.  My happy space is my own space.  I like to tell people that it exists 12 feet above the ground away from the corruption of the world.  Few things can bring me down aside from the personal choice of condescension   One of those days that you just an't help but smile at everyone, and say hello.  One of those days when God just reaches out and touches your heart and you know you are loved.  These days are the best.
          Every now and again I remember that heavenly Father knows me personally.  He knows the best and most effective ways to communicate with me.  He knows what I can handle and what I can't.  And when I earnestly seek him out when I need help, he is always there to comfort me.  He speaks directly to my heart and brings peace to my mind.
          In the past week I've learned to be specific in my prayers.  That way the right things happen.  Elder Packer said, there are two kinds of faith.  The kind of faith that causes us to believe things and the kind of faith that allows us to "move" people.  

5 November 2012

While I was working on today's blog, I noticed the house was really quiet.  I wondered what those two little kids could be up to and what kind of cleaning it would require when I finished.  I went to check on them.  Wouldn't you know, they were both asleep in Lloyd's room.  Cute little happy moments.

I've learned some great lessons on happiness in life.  I used to keep my happy place away from everyone else in the world.  A place where I could find quite solitude.  But what I have learned is that my happy space is much happier, when I allow it to be all around me and include the people I love.  I've learned that happiness is as much a choice as it is a reaction.  I've learned that regardless of how messy the house feels, or how much I have to repeat myself in order for the kids to stop sitting in that window, I can choose to be happy instead of choosing to over think and get depressed over things that just don't matter in the long run.

Yesterday Nake'u and I were talking together about some of the testimonies we heard at our Fast and Testimony meeting.  I would like to pause and say, that having Nake'u is the biggest blessing I thougth I'd never have.  It's so refreshing and enjoyable to be able to take as easily about gospel topics as it is to tell him what I had for lunch.  He said something yesterday, though, that I wanted to remember.  He mentioned that when we receive revelation it is based on the knowledge we have and related specifically to the topic of which we are seeking guidance.

Seeing the End from the Beginning

***February 10, 2004 JOURNAL: Scared and Confused
          I must need to go (on a mission.)  I can't remember my brother coming up against troubles.  But then again, he didn't tell me everything.  I'm trying to understand why it would be so hard for me to go.  Satan's working on me and it's a struggle not to give in.  It's especially hard because I can't see it - I don't know who this story is supposed to end.  I can't imagine this entire mission won't be a struggle.  I know it won't be worth my while unless I do my best and basically work myself until I "die."  And when I come back, then what?  I can't see it.  I must need to go.  If not why would it be so hard?  Why would there be so much opposition?  I need a hug.  I need to know that everything will work out.  But, I guess, sometimes you have to take a few steps into the darkness before you can see the light.  The reward doesn't come until after a trial of your faith.  I just wish my faith didn't need to be tested.  I wish I could see it.

3 November 2012

If I could see where I am now compared to where I was then, I would do it over a thousand times.

Last night we spent the greater part of our night preparing for a family fun fest up at the church today.  I learn more and more about relationships everyday I am married to my awesome husband.  Some of my favorite times spent with my husband is when we are working together on the same project.  I have learned that marriage and relationships are as much about learning to work together as much as it is about how happy I feel when I get to sit next to him and hold his hand.  It's as much about thinking about spending together forever, as it is enjoying the present.  I find when my focus changes from the me-monster to our family and our lives together, my day is much more enjoyable.  It is very easy for me to get caught up in how clean my house isn't and how much I feel my kids don't listen to the things I ask them to do.  But, when I take the time to enjoy where I am in life today all those concerns about my homemaking skills and my parenting skills and my business skills fade away to joy and happiness.