Happy + Happy = Happy

Trying to be more organized to get blogging done!

*** June 11, 2004 JOURNAL: A Startling Realization
          We were talking about judgement in class.  Elder Duthrie made a good point.  The reason Christ will be our judge is because he knows us.  he's been through everything with us.  He's been trough everything with me.  And even with the wrong choices I've made in live, he never turns his back on me when I need him.  He never fails me.  He never fails to forgive me.  Perhaps, Greg is right, and  I need to begin to forgive myself.  The little things that I let hinder myself that I've repented of, the Lord doesn't even recognize any more.

8 April 2013

And we're back!  Nothing like a General Conference weekend to help me re-inspire my life. I read or heard somewhere of someone studying one talk per week to study and ponder.  I'm going to try that this year.  This week I'll be studying Elder Richard G. Scott's talk.

We were blessed this last weekend to spend some time in Waikiki.  Some time "away" from home to focus on spending time with each other and with the babies.  The babies didn't want to leave the hotel room.  And of course it was nice not having to clean up everyday for a few days.  We had all kinds of great adventures.  But the best moments were spent together with the babies smiling and having fun.

Lloyd's birthday was yesterday.  On Saturday night we wanted to eat at a fun place that would sing Happy Birthday to him.  We went to the Old Spaghetti Factory for the first time.  The food was yummy and we had a great time.  Our waiter was admittedly scatter-brained, but he did a good job.  Lloyd was a bit shy about them singing happy birthday to him, but he fully enjoyed the cake.

I used to think that when things were going good that something bad was bound to happen.  And perhaps  that caused me to make bad things out of regular things that happen in life.  I am coming to know that just because things are going good and happy times are stringing themselves together doesn't mean that some bad time destroyer needs to breakup the fun.  In the book of 2 Nephi we learn that we are here to have joy.  God wants us to be happy.  Hard times do come, but even in those times we can still find happiness and joy in life, especially when our lives are centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ and our families.

This journal is becoming all about the homesickness....then there was a birthday

*** June 6, 2004 JOURNAL: Fast Sunday at the MTC
          I was alright for most of the day, then my mind started to wander.  I think it's because I was talking to Sis. Hansen about home, and pictures and stuff.  [Sis. Hansen was assigned to the Hawaii, Honolulu Mission]
          I started to feel really lonely.  And I know that's just Satan trying to get to me.  But I couldn't help but give in for a little while.
          I began to see the vision again.  Of how everything fits and why I am here on a mission for the Lord.  But it's still hard.  The end seems so far away and there's a lot of time in between where I don't know what's going to happen.  But I trust in the Lord that everything will work out for the best.  That's why I'm here. I know I am where I belong and I am doing the work that the Lord has called me to do.  I am here because this is what I know I want to do.  But that doesn't mean that I don't get lonely.  But even when I do, I try to catch that glimpse of heaven - of where I want to be and I know I will be alright.
          We watched The Testament tonight.  And for the last few minutes I felt the presence of the Lord so close - and I knew I wasn't alone.

15 January 2013

I always wish my grammar was better, but I don't do anything to make it any better.

My husband is the best.  It was birthday weekend and it was the best ever!  I love a good surprise birthday celebration.  Nakeu is so much better at surprises than I am.  My face doesn't do lying well... For my first birthday together, we were engaged, and my surprise was a day trip to Hawaii island to go to the Kona temple, because I wanted to go to the temple for my birthday and the Laie temple was closed for cleaning.  The next year it was a surprise weekend stay (we were married) at the Marriott Beach Club, bags packed when I picked him up from work.  In 2009 we stayed at the Ihilani with Lloyd.  In 2010, Nakeu let me throw my own birthday party with friends and food at the house.   In 2011 I wanted to go to CPK with friends and family and eat their butter cake with ice cream ... oh, so YUMMY! In 2012 we had a surprise weekend stayed at the Hilton Waikoloa on Hawaii Island.  We <3 that hotel, with the trains and the boats and the pools.  This year was a complete surprise dinner at Bucca De Beppo with friends and family.  The food was soooo yummy!  I had a great time.  Thank you Beb.

On Sunday I was released from teaching in primary.  I could feel the longing eyes of the other primary workers as I dropped Lloyd off at primary (of which there were no tears ...)  I was prepared to teach a lesson on how Heavenly Father has a Body and was put into a Gospel Doctrine lesson on how Jesus Christ is the Saviour of the World.  Luckily our teacher was AWESOME!  And even with as little preparation as I didn't read any of the lesson, I felt inspired and edified and my mind was opened to new thoughts and insights.  Not to mention that I got to got to Relief Society.  I didn't know how much I missed going to Relief Society, after a four year absence.  I did miss teaching the little'uns, though.

What a great weekend.

MTC day two

***5/27/2004 JOURNAL QUOTE: Pres. Ezra Taft Benson
          "I have a vision of thousands of missionaries going into the mission field with hundreds of passages memorized from the Book of Mormon so that they might feed the needs of a spiritually famished world."

*** May 27, 2004 JOURNAL: Day Two
          The workings of the spirit are amazing here.
          I feel so blessed.
          Our district is so great.  The Elders really treat Sis. Wagstaff and me with a lot of respect.  It's nice that our group is growing together.  It makes it a lot easier for class discussion and for the spirit to be present there.  I've found a great desire to know everything I possibly can about this gospel.  It know it's true.  I'm so very grateful for our teachers, Sis. King and Bro. Robinson.  They are so supportive and knowledgeable.  So much good!  So much to write, but so little words.
          I know the gospel of Jesus Christ is true.  I know that it was restored its fullness and that is what we have on the earth today.  I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that he was chosen to to help the work of the Lord.  I know that among other things, Joseph Smith, restored the power of the priesthood and it is with that authority that the church is operated and directed today.
          GOOD: got to some classes on time, bore testimony twice, awesome district.
          COMPANION: humble, not judgmental, art/photo major, gracious
          GOALS FOR TOMORROW: Take every opportunity to learn by the spirit, bear testimony, patience, love, smile, talk to district.

16 November 2012

On growing up.  It's interesting that each day I spend with my kids the more like a responsible adult I feel.  Especially when it comes to getting things done for them.  I mean, yes, they will look cute in whatever outfit I buy for them or playing with a new toy.  What I'm talking about is getting paperwork done and getting them signed up for activities.  Lloyd was recently awarded a scholarship to attend preschool.  Yesterday we were getting things set up with the school so he can start attending soon.  Nake'u and I have wanted Lloyd to attend preschool for some time, but financially it wasn't something we could afford on our own right now.  And I think, in my heart of hearts, I didn't want Lloyd to be old enough for preschool.  But, I know all my denial about Lloyd's age will only hinder his progress if I don't start letting go more and more.  I knew from the day he was born that that was the last day he was going to belong only to Nake'u and me.  I knew, consciencely that each day my task would be to give him more and more independence until the day he moves out of the house and on with his life.   Working on all the paperwork that needs to get done and an additional doctor's appointment that needed to be scheduled makes it more and more real that my little baby boy that we brought home four years ago is truly growing into a handsome young man, intelligent and respectable.

On being sick.  Last week I blogged about holding my sick girl.  Not long thereafter I got whatever the babies had.  Now, a week later, I am still dealing with this cold.  It's crazy.  I don't like feeling sick.  I have always believed that catching a cold was Heavenly Father's way of telling me I need to take some time and slow down a bit.  But, I don't like that!  Today has been a recoup day from all of yesterday's errands and dinner with the missionaries, through which I allowed myself to be on my feet almost all day.  I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I weren't also pregnant and keeping myself off of more medications than I would have kept away from myself usually.  I feel so lazy, being in bed most of the day and looking around the house and feeling unaccomplished.

Going to the temple

Monday.  Monday.

***May 10, 2004 JOURNAL: Temple
          I went to the temple on Saturday (5/8).  I feel like that is the best thing I've ever done.  I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had (and now have) to attend the temple.  I'm grateful for the prep-classes that were offered to me.  I felt very ready when I got there and I wasn't scared.  Sister Munsen talked to me in the instructional room.  I'm grateful for the advice some people gave me before I went it.  It was way more important to listen for/identify the promptings of the spirit, rather than worry myself about trying to understand everything all at once.  I know that greater understanding will come as I continue to attend the temple and as I continue to live my life in accordance with the principles of the gospel.  Someday I hope to be able to work there.

12 November 2012

I believe my kids are rock stars.  I love watching them grow and learn and be happy everyday.  The more I spend time with my kids, the more I learn about how Heavenly Father must feel about me.

Got My Temple Recommend!

Just telling you about my life at the time.  Since I received my call to serve as a missionary I made myself very busy attending church meetings and spending time with friends.

***May 2, 2004 JOURNAL: It's a Sunday
          Got my temple recommend signed by President Paet.  Went to the branch for Sacrament.  I miss the branch.  I'm so glad the people in the branch "hang out" a lot more than they used to.
          Leo came over to help us move some stuff yesterday.  I haven't seen her in a long while.
          Penny leaves the night of my party.  Went to her house yesterday.  I enjoy hanging out at her house.  Her nephews are so much fun.  I'm glad she stayed as long as she did.
          Greg has been over more.  We've been having fun doing fun excursions together and watching movies.
          This has been a re-telling more than anything else.  How I feel about things are hard at the moment.  I've been very tired this past week.  In part due to lack of sleep and part due to lack of good sleep.
          Here is what I know: I'm leaving to serve the Lord in less than a month.  I'm going.  I am going to serve for 18 months.  As long as I have that set in my mind I know I'll be alright.  That is my focus.  As long as I can focus on leaving and keeping myself straight, I am alright.

11 November 2012

I am a cryer.  I never anticipated being the crying woman in the movies and when my babies do great things.  Today was the Primary presentation in our ward.  For one song just the 4-6 year-olds sang.  I cried.  Not hysterically.  Just the welling up of tears that start to drip un-control-ably.  He usually yells his favorite part, "...the best, I can ..." and my heart just swells.  It's hard to believe he's four-years-old.  I see him as ageless.  All I know is he's my baby.

Uh, the time I wanted to give up on house chores

Some personal study notes.  I noticed I was not very good at dating this material.  It is all from January - February 2004

*** PERSONAL STUDY
HOPE - A state of longing for or anticipating something good
HOPE IN CHRIST - An assurance that a longing for or an anticipation of eternal life will be realized

PEACE - A cessation of conflict or turmoil, a tranquil state
PEACE IN CHRIST - That tranquility of mind and soul which comes with a brightness of hope in Christ

REST - An escape from activity or use of mental and physical energy
REST OF THE LORD - To gain a perfect knowledge of God's work in this life and to enter into the fullness of the glory of God, either in this life or the next

***2/4/04 PERSONAL STUDY: Alma 22-29
          -to receive eternal life we must repent of our sins, be baptized and have faith in the words of Christ
          -the Amalakites and the the Amulonites did not join the church because their hearts were hardened against the truth ... having once known the truth and had already chosen not to believe
          -Evidence of true conversion of the Lamanites: 1. did not want to go to war for fear of breaking the commandments of God.  2. Had a testimony of the mercy of God.  3. Held true to their word and died for their beliefs

*** PERSONAL STUDY: Ch. 32 Formula for Developing a Testimony
          -be humble --> learn wisdom
          -become humble -->repentance -->find mercy -->endure to the end  -->blessings
          -have faith -->be believing -->be baptized -->great blessings
          You must sincerely believe, then continuously cultivate that belief.  Scripture study builds faith: Bruce R. McConkie, "Those who study, ponder and pray about the scriptures, seeking to understand their deep and hidden meanings, receive from time to time great outpourings of light and knowledge from the Holy spirit. ... a sudden rush of ideas."

***PERSONAL STUDY: Alma 34-35
          If the atonement had not been made, all mankind would unavoidably perish.  All would be lost.

7 November 2012

I tried to post this blog earlier this morning, but I hadn't decided on what to write in for today's journal entry. Then I had an epiphinistic moment of rather self-depressic proportion.  I had my list of to-do's for the day ready to go.  I try to to-do list myself everyday, but it was especially important today because I am in charge of the mutual night tonight up at the church with the Young Women.  I was trying, as efficiently as possible with two young children and  my infant client, to make my way down my to-do list.  Wednesday is surfaces day and I meant to steam the downstairs floor.  We own a Shark Vac then Steam, which I have loved since we bought our first one two years ago.  But for the second time in two years it broke a month outside of it's manufacturer's warranty.  And I had just started steaming the floor.  I wasn't even 5% done.  Grrrr.  It's moments like those where I generally choose to throw the internal adult temper-tantrum  and put myself in time out.  I mean, why plan out my day for success when something as unpredictable as steam-vac breaking down was going to ruin my chances?  Uh.  After that all I wanted to do was shut down, watch tv with the babies and eat every chocolaty- sweet thing I could get my hands on.  I generally don't need to be depressed or sad to indulge in chocolaty- goodness, but it makes me momentarily feel better.  Instead, I allowed myself a short, mental break, took my big-girl pill (which may or may not have been a chocolate treat ...) and decided that I can't let one hiccup in my day shut down all production.  So, it wasn't meant for me to get the downstairs floors all steamed before dinner time.  So, the couches will stay stacked on the one side until later tonight when I replace our steamer.  So, what?  Let it go and move on.  Uh, uh, uh.  Tough lesson there.  Now, onto other productive things that I can scratch off my to-do list and still feel successful today.

Notes from Sunday Lessons and a Lesson on Discipline

*** 2/8/04 SUNDAY LESSON NOTES: Walking in the Path That Leads to Eternal Life
          John 7:17, "If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself."
          Lessons Learned: 1. Go and do what you're supposed to do, then you will know of it's truth.  2. It is our duty to keep the commandments of God.  3. If you are doing what's right you won't be led astray

***2/15/04 SUNDAY LESSON NOTES: Persistence
          My Def: The act of continually trying at something until you succeed at it or become so tired of it that you give up.
          Emerson: "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do - not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our power to do is increased."
          Persistence in our goals and desires, helps us to be the architect of our own lives.

***2/22/04 SUNDAY LESSON NOTES: Being Grateful
          When we give thanks for all things we see the eternal perspective
          Doctrine and Covenants 138:12 "And there were gathered together in one place an innumerable company of the spirits of the just, who had been faithful in the testimony of Jesus while they lived in mortality;"
          Doctrine and Covenants 138:30 "But behold, from among the righteous, he organized his forces and appointed messengers, clothed with power and authority, and commissioned them to go forth and carry the light of the gospel to them that were in darkness, even to all the spirits of men; and thus was the gospel preached to the dead."
          Doctrine and Covenants 59:7 "Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things."

6 November 2012

Some months ago I was really having trouble keeping up with the two kiddies, my business and cleaning the house.  I had gotten into the habit of thinking that everyone else's house is always the "pink of perfection" and our home is the only cluttered home that would never make magazine pictures.  I had a cleaning schedule I was good at following pre-Alessandra.  But post-second-baby I lost the schedule and had fallen out of following it so I couldn't remember it

 Pinterest showed me a schedule someone else swore up and down by, and since it's easier to be told what to do than to make decisions about boring things, I've been following it ever since.  Here's the thing, though, the cleaning schedule:
     Monday - All Laundry, Tidy up around the house, sweep/vac main floors
     Tuesday - Bathrooms
     Wednesday - Surfaces, Windows and All Floors
     Thursday - Organization project
     Friday - Tidy and sweep/vac main floors
is easy to follow but useless if not followed.  Yesterday I attempted to get back into the discipline of washing, folding and putting away all laundry in one day.  I was great (much better than usual) at getting all the laundry washed and dried.  I folded most, but not all.  I did put away what I folded, so that was good.  It took an incredible amount of discipline to get multiple loads of clothes washed and dried.  I had set the timer on my phone each time so I wouldn't lose track of the time and still had to convince myself to put down what I was doing each time to take care of the laundry.

The lesson - life takes discipline.  Self-Mastery and discipline.

Happiness in Life

I wanted to share the following quote that mommy shared with us in a family home even lesson on the importance of Journals and Record Keeping

***2/2/04 JOURNAL QUOTE: Spencer W. Kimball
          "...Each of us is important to those who are near and dear to us - and as our posterity read of our life's experiences, they, too, will come to know and love us.  And in that glorious day when our families are together in the eternities, we will already be acquainted."

I'm stacking two days together here because they are related and short.  I'm trying to get through the things I want to record and remember from the beginning of the year before I jump into April and May where I get my call and leave respectively.

***February 12,02004 JOURNAL: Feeling Better
         I notice that my tone in writing and choice of worlds differs depending on my mood.  I'm really glad to be feeling better.  Overall I'm just a thinky person.  Because of that I tend to draw stupid, hypothetical conclusions - then fret over it.  But somehow, within the past few days, I managed to let go of that.  Yesterday was a good day.  I read the lesson for institute and found greater understanding that I ever have before.  But more so trying to find application to my life.  I also read the lesson for RS on Sunday.  I was a nice kind of sedate day.  Although I was still overly thinky, I wasn't freaking out all that terribly and even managed to talk about the gospel with some co-workers.
***February 13, 2004 JOURNAL
          I feel happy.  I n a really good mood, which is nice because it's been awhile since I've been in my happy space.  I'm not sure how long this will last - but I'm not letting go of it all too soon.  My happy space is my own space.  I like to tell people that it exists 12 feet above the ground away from the corruption of the world.  Few things can bring me down aside from the personal choice of condescension   One of those days that you just an't help but smile at everyone, and say hello.  One of those days when God just reaches out and touches your heart and you know you are loved.  These days are the best.
          Every now and again I remember that heavenly Father knows me personally.  He knows the best and most effective ways to communicate with me.  He knows what I can handle and what I can't.  And when I earnestly seek him out when I need help, he is always there to comfort me.  He speaks directly to my heart and brings peace to my mind.
          In the past week I've learned to be specific in my prayers.  That way the right things happen.  Elder Packer said, there are two kinds of faith.  The kind of faith that causes us to believe things and the kind of faith that allows us to "move" people.  

5 November 2012

While I was working on today's blog, I noticed the house was really quiet.  I wondered what those two little kids could be up to and what kind of cleaning it would require when I finished.  I went to check on them.  Wouldn't you know, they were both asleep in Lloyd's room.  Cute little happy moments.

I've learned some great lessons on happiness in life.  I used to keep my happy place away from everyone else in the world.  A place where I could find quite solitude.  But what I have learned is that my happy space is much happier, when I allow it to be all around me and include the people I love.  I've learned that happiness is as much a choice as it is a reaction.  I've learned that regardless of how messy the house feels, or how much I have to repeat myself in order for the kids to stop sitting in that window, I can choose to be happy instead of choosing to over think and get depressed over things that just don't matter in the long run.

Yesterday Nake'u and I were talking together about some of the testimonies we heard at our Fast and Testimony meeting.  I would like to pause and say, that having Nake'u is the biggest blessing I thougth I'd never have.  It's so refreshing and enjoyable to be able to take as easily about gospel topics as it is to tell him what I had for lunch.  He said something yesterday, though, that I wanted to remember.  He mentioned that when we receive revelation it is based on the knowledge we have and related specifically to the topic of which we are seeking guidance.

Seeing the End from the Beginning

***February 10, 2004 JOURNAL: Scared and Confused
          I must need to go (on a mission.)  I can't remember my brother coming up against troubles.  But then again, he didn't tell me everything.  I'm trying to understand why it would be so hard for me to go.  Satan's working on me and it's a struggle not to give in.  It's especially hard because I can't see it - I don't know who this story is supposed to end.  I can't imagine this entire mission won't be a struggle.  I know it won't be worth my while unless I do my best and basically work myself until I "die."  And when I come back, then what?  I can't see it.  I must need to go.  If not why would it be so hard?  Why would there be so much opposition?  I need a hug.  I need to know that everything will work out.  But, I guess, sometimes you have to take a few steps into the darkness before you can see the light.  The reward doesn't come until after a trial of your faith.  I just wish my faith didn't need to be tested.  I wish I could see it.

3 November 2012

If I could see where I am now compared to where I was then, I would do it over a thousand times.

Last night we spent the greater part of our night preparing for a family fun fest up at the church today.  I learn more and more about relationships everyday I am married to my awesome husband.  Some of my favorite times spent with my husband is when we are working together on the same project.  I have learned that marriage and relationships are as much about learning to work together as much as it is about how happy I feel when I get to sit next to him and hold his hand.  It's as much about thinking about spending together forever, as it is enjoying the present.  I find when my focus changes from the me-monster to our family and our lives together, my day is much more enjoyable.  It is very easy for me to get caught up in how clean my house isn't and how much I feel my kids don't listen to the things I ask them to do.  But, when I take the time to enjoy where I am in life today all those concerns about my homemaking skills and my parenting skills and my business skills fade away to joy and happiness.

Lesser known truths about growing up

It should be noted that my journals used to be kept in three sections (a 3-section notebook).  The first section for notes on Sunday and other church meetings.  The second section for notes on personal scripture study and institute classes.  The last section for journal.  For each journal entry there is a specific title.  I don't know when or why I started doing this, but I did.  I never held myself to writing everyday, but I tried for at least once a week.  The entries I share here may come from any of the sections, and I'll preface each entry.

I have decided to skip the rest of the month of January for all entries.  There was nothing terribly exciting in the two notes sections.  As for the journal section, it was mostly complaints about work and other people.  I will note that in that month I learned about the passing of a friend and mentor, Benjamin Hoke.

***February 4, 2004 JOURNAL: First Day of No Work
          I can't say that I'm not happy.  I was feeling like some old person that just retired.  Now I have a lot of  "extra time" to do things I want to do.  Among which includes taking better care of myself, cleaning up the house, catching up on church stuff and catching up on reading.
          Sunday I had a birthday interview with the branch president.  He started talking about going on a mission.  Then he asked me what would happen if I were to get married first.  I blanked.  I didn't what to say.  Then I told him my decision was that I should go.  He said that was good and reminded me the final decision was up to me.  I told him this was not helpful.  With difficult decisions it's easier to be told what to do.  Then, if it doesn't work out, someone else takes the blame.  But being questioned that like makes me wonder what I should do.

2 November 2012

That lesson about being told what to do is easier that deciding for myself is one of those lesser known truths about growing up.  The older I get the more I have to rely on my own decisions that the decisions of others.  That ties in with another lesson about growing up I learned, which is: If decide you want to accomplish something then you need to do the work!

I was once taught (although I can't remember the source) that if I couldn't keep my own room clean, how could I possibly keep a whole house clean?  While I was not good at keeping my room clean as a child ... I shared a small room with my three siblings, and if they didn't clean up their stuff, why should I clean up my stuff? ... I was much better as a teen when we moved and I we each had our own room space.  What they didn't teach me was that cleaning a house, with young children, takes work.  If something is dropped on the ground, it will not magically re-appear in the place to which it belongs.  If the dishes are left in the sink over-night, they will not be cleaned and put away in the morning when I wake up.  If a child goes to sleep dirty, without a bath, they will still be dirty in the morning, but will still give you smiles.  Life takes work, little by little, day by day until the whole house is clean (which is yet to be realized since the birth of Lloyd).