God Knows Me, He Really Knows Me

I left this one short on purpose, without adding any of the notes I took that day at orientation.  Sister Wagstaff and I were staying with the Traveling (in charge of taking the sisters to and from the airport and to their areas on the island) Sister, Sister Leishman who would become her companion.

***June 17, 2004 JOURNAL: First Day In Guam - Guam North Zone, Area: Macheche
          So, I'm going to Pohnpei!  I'm so tired right now I can't even think straight and it's barely 9:30.  Good times.  Soo tired.

16 April 2013 God Knows Me

I decided to take some time this morning to work on a new crocheting project.  After working for almost an hour, I realized that I had done it wrong!  The good thing about crocheting is that if you make a mistake, all you have to do is undo it to the point where the mistake is and re-work the project.  The bad thing is you have to take it out.  I guess it was good that I realized at that point instead of later on, down the line, but one of my serious pet peeves is wasted time.  A near hour's worth of work gone, and I can't get that hour back.  Then of course, at that very moment of frustration all the babies start to cry for attention all at once o.O.  I decided to put the crocheting project down feeling defeated.  Then I received, from a number not saved to my contacts list, the following text:

CONSIDER IT ALL JOY, WHEN U ENCOUNTER VARIOUS TRIALS, KNOWING THAT THE TESTING OF UR FAITH PRODUCES ENDURANCE.  LET ENDURANCE HAVE ITS PERFECT RESULT, SO THAT U MAY

Thanks to a little google action it is a variation on James 1:2-4 (KJV),

"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 

"Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 

"But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."

I still sometimes believe that everything should be perfect if I'm doing my part to do all I can do.  Although, I know this is not real.  I know that even if I am doing my best everyday, temptations and trials will still happen.  But, especially when I'm doing my best and even at my worse I know the Lord is with me.  I know he knows me and that he can communicate with me, even if it is through a text that may have been intended for someone else, showing up on my phone.

Bringing the Past Into the Present

Back at it.  Trying to decide whether it's easier to type with one hand, or the baby in the crook of my arm ...

While at the MTC we one of the elder's in our district joked about going home and Sis. King decided we needed to watch a talk by Elder Jeffery R. Holland entitled, "Don't You Dare Go Home!"

***Elder Jeffery R. Holland: Don't You Dare Go Home
          A. Don't miss a day, don't miss an hour
          B. Don't live with regret
          C. Serve for all 18/24 months
          D. Every good blessing I have, is because I have gone on a mission
          E. Savor, embrace and cherish every minute of it - it will never come again
          F. Enhance, magnify, glorify and underscore yourself
          G. Plan now for the stories you will tell your children
          H. We can't guarantee heroic results, but every one can pledge heroic effort
          I. We do our missionaries a great disservice if we expect anything less than their best, we can't expect more than your best effort
          J. Obey mission rules, obedience is the first law of missionary work
          K. Doctrine and Covenants 130:20-21 - the promise is in the obedience
          L. Be bigger and better and bolder than you've ever been
          M. Don't miss the chance to gain these blessings
          N. It is His work and His glory done His way
          O. It is the hardest work I've ever done
          P. ADVICE
               1.  Teach the atonement of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Saviour of the world
               2.  We want them to have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repent, then be baptized for the remission of sins
               3.   Do not take the simple doctrine for granted - We should talk more about the basic saving ordinances
               4.  Why isn't it easier to get baptisms? - missions have to be hard
                     - salvation is not a cheap experience - it wasn't meant to be easy
                     - If I'm going to be his missionary, how dare I ask not to get close to the anguish he felt
                     - Be disciples of him who did atone
                     - Christ's only imperfections are the one's he choose to keep, the wounds in his hands, feet and side
          Q. Serve suffering (allowing) the will of the Lord from the beginning.

***June 7, 2004 JOURNAL: The Temple
          I'm so glad we got to go tot he temple this morning.  I felt so much better.  I really missed not being able to go the the temple for the past two weeks.  I'm grateful that Greg took me along with him to the temple for that month leading up leaving for the MTC.  I've come to be entirely grateful for the temple.  A great work goes on in the temple and I felt such a calming peace.  It is truly the house of God.  Overall it was a very, very good morning.
          GOOD: went to the temple, did laundry
          COMPANION: understanding, caring
          GOALS: 4th discussion simple summary, work harder, have fun, teach 3rd discussion, lights out at 10:30pm

11 March 2013
Two months later and here I am again.

For historical purposes:
At the end of January we celebrated Alessandra's birthday.  We had a great time with our family at Shakey's Pizza.  It was, of course, Minnie Mouse themed.  We hoped she felt special and especially loved for her birthday.
At the beginning of February, on the evening of the 5th, Itasca was born.  We love him.  More will be shared about his birth story and first month of life in coming blogs.

Yesterday was a great day to be at church.  We were under flash flood advisory and it seemed like Heavenly Father wanted us to work to get to the goodness.  Brother Patrick and Sister Lori Soma spoke in sacrament meeting on the topic of repentance.  Sister Soma a shared personal story about how she stole a piece of candy and her older brother made her apology and paid her debt to the store owner.  She was five-years-old when she first, truly learned the principle of repentance and about the atonement of Jesus Christ.

Lloyd shared a talk in primary about Jesus Christ is my Saviour.  He talked about Enos' wrestle with the Lord.  How Christ's atonement allowed for Enos' forgiveness of sins.  And because Christ's atonement covered Enos' repentance, we can repent and be forgiven as well.

Nake'u and I were able to catch part of the Sunday School lesson after Lloyd's talk.  We learned that the core of pride is enmity.  Separating yourself from God, from those around you, from your family. etc.  We are constantly reminded of the need for humility because we don't all tend toward humility.  Our need for money and "worldly stuff" becomes pride when our focus changes from serving others, to uplifting ourselves in the eyes of others.  Daily and constant prayer can help to keep our focus on God and humility and away from pride.

In Relief Society Sister Ilona Kaonohi taught "The Grand Destiny of the Faithful" from the Teachings of the Prophet Lorenzo Snow.  She shared about how her son Jared is training and competing in track and field.  In order to qualify for states in shot put he needs to throw the ball 45 feet.  However, he keeps landing short of the 40 foot mark.  She constantly tells Jared that he is doing all he can to train, focus and get proper form.  That he needs to keep competing without giving up and the time will come when he will be able to throw the ball far enough.  Sister Kaonohi also shared a Mormon Message by Elder Holland, "Good Things to Come."  I liked that Elder Holland reflected on advice he would give to his younger self:  "Don't you quit.... You keep trying. ...  Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven.  But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.  It will be alright in the end.  Trust God and believe in good things to come."  Sister Kaonohi encouraged us to read scriptures daily, because the scriptures will nourish our souls with the hope we need to get from day to day, until that great day when the work is finished and the Lord stands with open arms to greet his good and faithful servants.

2013

***6/4/2004 MEETING NOTES: How to Begin Teaching
          1. Gaining trust through the spirit: The unique thing about our message it it's either true or it's not - will only know through prayer
          2. Be gentle, sincere honest, enthusiastic and positive
               a. who you are
               b. why you are there
               c. what the message can do for them

***June 4, 2004 JOURNAL: We were humbled
          We did the 2nd discussion twice this morning at the resource center.  Good experience.  We were taped and should have got feed back but Bro. Robinson wasn't that worried about Sis. Wagstaff and me.
          Part way through our MDT, (missionary directed time) Elder Wright, was trying to get us to convince him, about why he (posing as an investigator) should change his life.  After some people tried, I told him to ask Elder Duthrie (a convert of just over a year at the time.)  And we were humbled.  He reminded us that it's the spirit that converts, not us, and that we should remember the basic doctrine and not get so caught up in deep doctrine.
          GOOD: taught the 2nd and 3rd discussion, played volleyball
          COMPANION: teaches by the spirit, patient, willing to learn, humble, fun
          GOALS: obtain principles in 4th discussion, start looking over 5th/6th discussion, smile

1 January 2013

Sneaking one in here before the day ends.  Going back to life as normal after week of fun is generally depressing.  That will be for tomorrow.

Up until a couple of years ago, we were allowed to play with fireworks in Hawaii.  The past two years have been boring on New Year's Eve.  There are folk that go out and buy permits to purchase and burn legal firecrackers to pop.  Then there are the one's who get the illegal stuff and burn them for us all to enjoy.  The babies didn't make it until midnight, and I almost didn't make it either.  But we did spend New Year's Eve and New Year's Day together with our family.  That is what mattered to me the most.  The food was great!  We grilled meat and sausages and had some soup and baked beans for New Year's Eve.  When we played tetris on xbox and watched movies and tv to keep ourselves awake between short naps.  We have a tradition in the Smith family of local Hawaiian food for New Year's Day.  We prepared, wrapped and cooked pork and pork and fish laulau.  Nakeu made squid luau, kalua pig and lomi salmon and also boiled peanuts.  Mommy-Daddy have a sushi tradition, so they brought over rolled and cone sushi.  Jorell and Leilani brought some lumpia.  Oh, so yummy!

Back to it then

For some reason I had two journal entries this day ...

***6/03/04 JOURNAL: ATTRIBUTES OF CHRIST - Patience
          I know I've been given lots of opportunities this week that have really tested my patience.  I don't feel like I'm doing very well though, because I still get really angry and although it's not an outward aggression it's still there.  And I know I can't feel the spirit until I am no longer angry.

***June 3, 2004 JOURNAL: THURSDAY
          I was pretty upset this morning.  A lot of stuff piled on and my companion was late getting ready so we missed breakfast.  But I realized I had to get over that in order to be able to learn and to teach.  We taught the 1st discussion to some volunteers this morning.  That was nice.  definitely got some feedback only possible through converts, because they've been there before.  We also went to the Evaluation center.  We met with a Bro. Wagstaff.  He was really helpful because we were working on two specific goals: 1) making bold, direct commitments and 2) creating more of a discussion environment by asking questions.  He taught us how to ask questions on different levels, starting from basic and moving through to more in-depth questions.
          Got to play volleyball.  That was definitely a good release of energy.

30 December 2012

Few things compare to taking a month long, unannounced hiatus then just as unexpectedly jumping  back into things.

December has been a good month for us.  I had not given up on this blog.  I just needed to get settled into some changes before portioning out time to blogging again.

Toward the end of November we found out that Lloyd received a scholarship (Mahalo Kealii Pauahi!) which would allow him to attend preschool from January 2013 - June 2013.  These scholarships are awarded twice a year, and I missed the first round deadline.  There were three available openings at the Seagull School I wanted him to attend located on the Kapolei Elementary School Campus.  We were the second family to put in a deposit in an attempt to hold a spot until January when his scholarship would be active.  Nakeu and I were both concerned that, that spot may not be available in January as the director of the school was unable to to tell me firmly if they would hold his spot, with a deposit, in the case of other families starting full-time in December.  After a short deliberation and feeling we could afford it for one month, Nakeu and I decided to start Lloyd at the beginning of December, part-time, to help him get adjusted and at a slightly cheaper rate.  Our mornings are so quiet without him!  I can't imagine what it will be like on Wednesday when he'll be gone the whole of the day! :(

I had some Christmas things I wanted to do.  I did, on a smaller than I thought, scale make Christmas binders for the babies with coloring pages for songs and stories.  I had too many pages planned and not enough binder space.  So the project got scaled back, but was still successfully completed!  I have always wanted to make chocolates to give out at Christmas time.  In November I found (thank you Pinterest) some easy chocolate recipes to test.  Again this project was scaled back, but it was successfully completed in that I was able to make and give out some chocolate boxes.  The inside of the house was far more decorated, although scaled back from my glorious visions, than in years past.  Nakeu dressed up as Santa.  We made cookies for Santa and had a great Christmas Eve dinner where we formally dressed up the babies because Nakeu and I were too tired from getting dinner and babies and house ready for Christmas Eve to consider dressing up for a formal dinner.

If you noticed the theme of this year was to scale things back.  But the beauty is that we still had a great Christmas!  Not everything needs to get done and not everything needs to be big in order to be special and enjoyable.  And everyone was/is still happy.

One last memory I want to keep.  Early in December, in a phone conversation, Nakeu suggested purchasing only one gift for each other this year.  Then during "Week of Fun" (yes, from Christmas to New Year's when we are both off from work, with the exception of Nakeu who has to work tomorrow) if we find things we want to buy or other things that we need, we could purchase it then.  I had to make sure that Nakeu meant he also would only buy me one gift and I would buy him only one gift.  We agreed, which meant I needed to figure out how he would, if he were to bend the rules.  So on Christmas day we both broke the rules slightly, but the idea was there where we each had one gift from each other to open.  It was a great idea!  The next day the babies were with grandparents so we walked around Ross and picked up a few things that we liked and called it good.  Scaling back.

This year is a lesson in less is definitely more!

28 Days

***6/1/2004 MEETING NOTES: Teaching and Finding by the Spirit - Bro. Nelson
          1. Without the spirit you will never succeed regardless of your talent and ability
               A. You are not the teacher
               B. The spirit is the teacher, the Lord is preparing people
          2. How do I prepare to teach by the spirit?  Become the Lord's favorite pen
               A. Not my message, the Lord's message
               B. the Lords work, in His way, on His timetable, without back talk
               C. Always full of ink (scriptural knowledge, doctrine ...)
               D. Be who I am and grow into what He wants me to become
               E. If I am prepared, it will happen
          3. Finding
               A. Work with members, teach in member's homes
               B.  Missionaries "fishing lines" should be in the water the moment they leave the house

***6/1/2004 DEVOTIONAL NOTES OF NOTE: Elder Merril J. Oakes
          1. Don't under estimate what the spirit can do.
          2. Spencer W. Kimball: “If you could only see the vision I have. I wish I had your bodies to do this work. I would run from house to house telling everyone of the gospel, and after I lost strength to run I would begin to walk, and after I collapsed from walking, I would begin to crawl, and after my knees were so bloody that I could not use them I would use my arms to drag myself, and once my muscle in my body was gone I would begin to yell…oh, only if you could see the vision as I have.” 
          3. Never be afraid to share the gospel
          4. Live so that the spirit of the Lord can be with you

***June 1, 2004 JOURNAL: So Good or No Good? Sooo-- Good!
          Good day!
          We went to the referral center again.  I really appreciate that place and the opportunity it provides.  I got to talk to two people today, would've been more but my phone was being funny :(.
          One lady wanted a Finding Faith in Christ video, and she would allow missionaries to deliver it.  She just recently had a hear attack, in addition to being diabetic.  She is home on disability and wanted to know more about Christ.  I felt prompted  to do two things 1) teach her about asking for a priesthood blessing and 2) have her read 3Nephi11.
          The second caller was a man and he also wanted a Finding Faith in Christ video.  I was so impressed that he would call because he wanted his kids to know about Jesus Christ.  I really wanted to lay out  the families can be together forever plan for him, but, I felt like I shouldn't.  But, I know that he is going to check out the website, so hopefully he'll get something out if it.
          We heart attacked two doors tonight - the sisters in our branch.  It was really funny because the other sisters had the same idea at the same time.
          GOOD: Outlined Disc. 2, Service this morning
          COMPANION: helpful, fun
          GOALS: help new missionaries (especially sisters) feel welcome tomorrow.

27 November 2012

According to my count down there are 28 days left until Christmas!  Our house is just busting with excitement.  Last night we decorated the Christmas tree.  In the very true words of Nake'u, it looks like Christmas exploded all over the tree.  The babies had real fun getting ornaments and putting them up on the tree.

Ahhhh, homesickness

While in the MTC we were required to write a 5 minute talk in preparation for Sacrament Meetings on Sunday.  The topic was assigned by our branch president the previous Sunday, and members of the branch were chosen to share their talks during sacrament meeting.

***5/30/2004 Talk on Repentance written for (but not shared in) Branch Sacrament Meeting
          The bible dictionary tells us that repentance is, "a turning of the heart and will to God, and a renunciation of sin.  ...Without this there can be no progress in the things of Salvation.  Repentance is not optional it is a commandment."
          Because God loves us and wants us to be able to be more like him, He sent us to Earth to be tested.  But He knew that we would not be able to return to Him on our own.  It is through Jesus Christ that we are able to return to our Heavenly Father.  Christ made it possible for us to repent of our sins - otherwise we would not be able to return to our Father in Heaven.
          We are not forced to repent.  In Ether 12:27 it reads, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."  The Lord knew that we would have difficult times.  This is the way we are able to learn and grow.
          I know that if we will humble ourselves, the Lord will help us, not only in our times of weakness, but whenever we need him.  And if we will humble ourselves before the Lord and seek repentance, make proper confessions, restitution and forsake our sins, I know the Lord will make our weaknesses into strengths.
          There is no better time than the present.  Isaiah tells us that we should repent now - to call upon the Lord while he is near.  Amulek tells us, in the book of Alma that this life is the time for us to prepare to meet God and that we should repent now.  The reason for this, is because we don't know how much longer we have before we will be called back home to our father in Heaven.  We need to be prepared now so that when that day comes we can report to our Father, just as the apostle Paul did, "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith."

***May 30, 2004 JOURNAL: Sunday
          Kind of junkie.  This is going to sound like a lot of complaining, which really shouldn't happen because I know I have so much to be grateful for.
          I was really looking forward to today because Sundays are my most favorite day of the week.  Plus we get a lot of personal study time.  But it wasn't the uplift I was expecting.  I was expecting to feel the way I  do in the branch and that, of course, didn't happen.
          I was already feeling homesick because I knew it was Sunday.  District Meeting was good.  Elder Duthrie and Elder Kuhle were assigned to be Assistants to the President.  Elder Wright was assigned to be district leader and Elder Morris the assistant district leader.
          Then I really started to miss home  The spirit in the branch is special to me.  I was expecting that here.  I was really trying to get my mind off of home.  So I get to work.  Which worked until this evening - I really wasn't feeling it.  So I set my sights on tomorrow - on the temple.  But since it's Memorial Day, the temple is closed.  After I found that out I really had to take some time to calm myself down.  I really wanted to be in a place where I can feel at home, feel the love of my Heavenly Father.  That opportunity will have to wait until next week.  But, I miss it.  The peace and understanding,t he opportunities to learn ...
          GOOD: memorized scriptures
          COMPANION: compassionate
          GOAL: Smile

19 November 2012

Hopefully I'm finally getting over this cold!  Kick it in the butt and out of my body.  I think the clogging in my ears may have cleared up, but I still hear some ringing so it's probably not back to equilibrium yet.

Last night I went to orchestra rehearsal.  Each year our stake produces a Christmas devotional.  This will be my seventh devotional participating in the orchestra.  Each year I reach a point where my stress level produced by whatever that year, lack of personal practice or players participating, or whatever, really starts to get me down.  This year our violin section is particularly small.  This I feel was Heavenly Father saying it's time to push me off a cliff (a President Pulsipher-ism and philosophy on receiving inspiration at transfer time).  I hate being pushed off of cliffs because it leaves me feeling exposed and uncomfortable more times than not.  No one likes that feeling.  This year is leaves me being the lone first violinist in an orchestra of about 12 people which is much smaller than I've experienced in years past.  Here's the reason this is a problem for me.  I don't like the way I sound when I play by myself.  I haven't yet needed to stand on my own to get comfortable with the way I sound.  The other reason this is a problem is because I need to learn how to emote feeling into my playing.  When you're playing with a large group of people this is not necessary.  It is easy to lean on the emotions, swellings and recessions of others to add emotion to the song.  Here are all the opportunities Heavenly Father is helping me to have this Christmas.  Gifts yes.  Uncomfortable, still yes.  But I remember a training we received either in a zone conference or a district meeting.  I'm sure I'll write about it later.  But it was about having an I Can attitude.  We developed an I Can and I Will mantra.  I can and I will.  I can and I will.  I can and I will.  Because what could I attempt to accomplish if I knew I could not fail?  All things!

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts

Day 17 and going strong.  Now that that's been stated, tomorrow will likely be a bust!

It should be known and noted that while I was in the MTC, we were not memorizing discussions.  We were using outlines and encouraged to teach by and with the Spirit.  We were told that the teaching methods were changing and a big change would come while we were in the mission field.  After a very few months of being out in the field we were introduced to Preach My Gospel.  I still love that book.

Also, there will be some notes from my personal scripture study and it should be noted that we were encouraged by our District President to study 2 Nephi 9 for 30 days.

***5/28/2004 NOTES of note from group meetings and classes:
          -"Ok, Lord, what can I do next?"  Then follow with exactness
          -Every good thought that comes to your mind is guidance from the spirit ... -Richard G. Scott
          -Get in --> Get powerful --> Get out!
          -At the end, invite them to change
          -Our goal is to help people come unto Christ
          --2Nephi9:  atonement is infinite and eternal, without the atonement we cannot return to God
               -righteous before = righteous after, filthy before = filthy after
               -Endured the crosses of the world: -joy shall be full forever  -so-- worth it!
          --Teaching No Greater Call: Teaching with Testimony: "... Nothing short of a testimony by the power of the Holy Ghost would bring wight and knowledge to them - bring them to repentance...." Pres. Young

*** May 28, 2004 JOURNAL: Day Three
          I got mail today.  I almost let it get to me.  I wanted to open it right there in class.  But I know the Elders were getting anxious about letters and so, so I'm thankful for teh example of my companion to put it away until a later time.
          The spirit is so strong here, and I'm grateful for it.  It helps me to learn at a much more accelerated rate than I would be able to do outside of the MTC.  And the spirit isn't afraid to testify of the truths, the doctrines and the principles that we learn here.  I'm grateful for the teachers that unload this wealth of knowledge on us - and like sponges we just take it all in.  I'm grateful for Elders that are excited about missionary work and push our district to newer and higher levels.
          GOOD: on time to more things, learning by the spirit, bore testimony, memorization
          COMPANION: humble, patient, helpful

17 November 2012

On waking up early.  I trained myself to be an early riser because in high school I needed to be on a bus that left at 6:15 am.  There after waking up early was not difficult for me.  In college, taking early classes meant I didn't have to be in class all at once in the middle of the day and could usually avoid evening and late afternoon classes, which I liked.  Waking up as a missionary at 6:30 am was not difficult for me.  Even now, my husband and I are early risers.  I see great benefits of being in the habit of an early riser.  We get to enjoy quiet time together before the babies wake up, although, they don't sleep much past 6:30 am.  We are able to get a lot done in the mornings before the sluggish post-lunch time of the day.  More accomplished in the morning/pre-noon time means less that needs to be done later.  It's not for everyone, but it works for us.

Today we took our annual pictures.  This year we went to the Olan Mills at KMart.  In previous years we'd go to Sears.  I had a coupon for cheaper and good looking Christmas greetings and cheaper great portraits that I am so excited about.  It's going to be like waiting for forever for the next two weeks until we get our pictures and cards.

As I type, I'm sitting here watching Nake'u play with Alessandra.  Pwopwo has her daddy wrapped and knows how to work him over.  And Nake'u loves that about her.  The babies love him and they love playing with him and that makes me smile.  I know there will be times in the future when our babies will disagree with us and hate us, so I am soaking in these moments when they love us.

Going to the temple

Monday.  Monday.

***May 10, 2004 JOURNAL: Temple
          I went to the temple on Saturday (5/8).  I feel like that is the best thing I've ever done.  I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had (and now have) to attend the temple.  I'm grateful for the prep-classes that were offered to me.  I felt very ready when I got there and I wasn't scared.  Sister Munsen talked to me in the instructional room.  I'm grateful for the advice some people gave me before I went it.  It was way more important to listen for/identify the promptings of the spirit, rather than worry myself about trying to understand everything all at once.  I know that greater understanding will come as I continue to attend the temple and as I continue to live my life in accordance with the principles of the gospel.  Someday I hope to be able to work there.

12 November 2012

I believe my kids are rock stars.  I love watching them grow and learn and be happy everyday.  The more I spend time with my kids, the more I learn about how Heavenly Father must feel about me.

Got My Temple Recommend!

Just telling you about my life at the time.  Since I received my call to serve as a missionary I made myself very busy attending church meetings and spending time with friends.

***May 2, 2004 JOURNAL: It's a Sunday
          Got my temple recommend signed by President Paet.  Went to the branch for Sacrament.  I miss the branch.  I'm so glad the people in the branch "hang out" a lot more than they used to.
          Leo came over to help us move some stuff yesterday.  I haven't seen her in a long while.
          Penny leaves the night of my party.  Went to her house yesterday.  I enjoy hanging out at her house.  Her nephews are so much fun.  I'm glad she stayed as long as she did.
          Greg has been over more.  We've been having fun doing fun excursions together and watching movies.
          This has been a re-telling more than anything else.  How I feel about things are hard at the moment.  I've been very tired this past week.  In part due to lack of sleep and part due to lack of good sleep.
          Here is what I know: I'm leaving to serve the Lord in less than a month.  I'm going.  I am going to serve for 18 months.  As long as I have that set in my mind I know I'll be alright.  That is my focus.  As long as I can focus on leaving and keeping myself straight, I am alright.

11 November 2012

I am a cryer.  I never anticipated being the crying woman in the movies and when my babies do great things.  Today was the Primary presentation in our ward.  For one song just the 4-6 year-olds sang.  I cried.  Not hysterically.  Just the welling up of tears that start to drip un-control-ably.  He usually yells his favorite part, "...the best, I can ..." and my heart just swells.  It's hard to believe he's four-years-old.  I see him as ageless.  All I know is he's my baby.

Gratitude

Do you know how many people would know if I skipped out on blogging for one day?

***JOURNAL: March 4, 2004
          I'm grateful for this journal and I'm glad I'm writing again.  It allows me to see progression in myself.  It acts as a compilation of thoughts, quotes, ideas and letters.  It is my space to think out loud which is necessary for me because I don't talk to very many people about that things that are bothering me.  I've found I'm grateful for a lot of things.  Rain, of course (whoo-hoo we're expecting another storm!)  I'm grateful for the branch.  Funny though, because I never wanted to go to the branch.  I had already belonged to the singles ward in Oregon and wanted to be in a home ward over my breaks.  I'm grateful for all the opportunities I've had to serve in the branch.  I'm beginning to see how everything in my life fits together.  I would never had made it to the University of Oregon if I had stayed at Nanakuli High.  Kamehameha allowed an environment that would help me to grow in ways not possible anywhere else.  I know it was not meant for me to go to any BYU campus, not that I wanted to either.  I went to a BYU open house one year in high school, the speaker got up and said, "Church college is not for everyone.  Just because you are a member of this church does not mean you need to attend BYU."  I said, amen and was ready to leave.  I thought Oregon fit me much better.  I needed to be in a place that allowed me to make my own decisions, without so many straight out restrictions.  A place where people din't know me yet.  Somewhere that I could be myself without expectations.  Overall, Oregon was a good experience for me.  I met some great people and there are some memories I know I'll never forget.  Leaving school early was necessary.  I can see how I've grown in ways I never thought possible.  I've collected traits, quirks, habits, and other stuff from the different places that I've been and the different people I've met.  These are things I can keep with me forever.  Long after I grow out of t-shirts and pens run out of ink.  I'm grateful for all the things the Lord has provided for me - especially the people he has allowed me to meet.  I feel I have reached a mini-climactic point in "The Book of Ari's Life."  It's that point where you can see how everything you've read form the beginning is falling into place.  You can see why certain decisions had to be made and why particular roads had to be taken.  You can guess at what this should all resolve to, but you read on to find out how it all works out.

8 November 2012

It has been a marathon kind of day today.  And in all things today, I am grateful for my husband.  Especially on days like to day, I'm grateful I said yes and was temple ready when he was.  Preach My Gospel talks about how the Lord is preparing us to meet specific people and preparing them to me us.  I believe that was the case with Nake'u and me.  He is everything I asked Heavenly Father to give me in an eternal companion and so much more.  I love you, Nake'u Smith.  Thank you for all you've done to make today easier than it would've been to take our two babies, and infant client to two doctors appointments where we were in each doctor's office for over an hour. Then cooking yummy get-better soup for all of us sicky-faces.  "You're the best" doesn't even begin to describe.

Uh, the time I wanted to give up on house chores

Some personal study notes.  I noticed I was not very good at dating this material.  It is all from January - February 2004

*** PERSONAL STUDY
HOPE - A state of longing for or anticipating something good
HOPE IN CHRIST - An assurance that a longing for or an anticipation of eternal life will be realized

PEACE - A cessation of conflict or turmoil, a tranquil state
PEACE IN CHRIST - That tranquility of mind and soul which comes with a brightness of hope in Christ

REST - An escape from activity or use of mental and physical energy
REST OF THE LORD - To gain a perfect knowledge of God's work in this life and to enter into the fullness of the glory of God, either in this life or the next

***2/4/04 PERSONAL STUDY: Alma 22-29
          -to receive eternal life we must repent of our sins, be baptized and have faith in the words of Christ
          -the Amalakites and the the Amulonites did not join the church because their hearts were hardened against the truth ... having once known the truth and had already chosen not to believe
          -Evidence of true conversion of the Lamanites: 1. did not want to go to war for fear of breaking the commandments of God.  2. Had a testimony of the mercy of God.  3. Held true to their word and died for their beliefs

*** PERSONAL STUDY: Ch. 32 Formula for Developing a Testimony
          -be humble --> learn wisdom
          -become humble -->repentance -->find mercy -->endure to the end  -->blessings
          -have faith -->be believing -->be baptized -->great blessings
          You must sincerely believe, then continuously cultivate that belief.  Scripture study builds faith: Bruce R. McConkie, "Those who study, ponder and pray about the scriptures, seeking to understand their deep and hidden meanings, receive from time to time great outpourings of light and knowledge from the Holy spirit. ... a sudden rush of ideas."

***PERSONAL STUDY: Alma 34-35
          If the atonement had not been made, all mankind would unavoidably perish.  All would be lost.

7 November 2012

I tried to post this blog earlier this morning, but I hadn't decided on what to write in for today's journal entry. Then I had an epiphinistic moment of rather self-depressic proportion.  I had my list of to-do's for the day ready to go.  I try to to-do list myself everyday, but it was especially important today because I am in charge of the mutual night tonight up at the church with the Young Women.  I was trying, as efficiently as possible with two young children and  my infant client, to make my way down my to-do list.  Wednesday is surfaces day and I meant to steam the downstairs floor.  We own a Shark Vac then Steam, which I have loved since we bought our first one two years ago.  But for the second time in two years it broke a month outside of it's manufacturer's warranty.  And I had just started steaming the floor.  I wasn't even 5% done.  Grrrr.  It's moments like those where I generally choose to throw the internal adult temper-tantrum  and put myself in time out.  I mean, why plan out my day for success when something as unpredictable as steam-vac breaking down was going to ruin my chances?  Uh.  After that all I wanted to do was shut down, watch tv with the babies and eat every chocolaty- sweet thing I could get my hands on.  I generally don't need to be depressed or sad to indulge in chocolaty- goodness, but it makes me momentarily feel better.  Instead, I allowed myself a short, mental break, took my big-girl pill (which may or may not have been a chocolate treat ...) and decided that I can't let one hiccup in my day shut down all production.  So, it wasn't meant for me to get the downstairs floors all steamed before dinner time.  So, the couches will stay stacked on the one side until later tonight when I replace our steamer.  So, what?  Let it go and move on.  Uh, uh, uh.  Tough lesson there.  Now, onto other productive things that I can scratch off my to-do list and still feel successful today.

Notes from Sunday Lessons and a Lesson on Discipline

*** 2/8/04 SUNDAY LESSON NOTES: Walking in the Path That Leads to Eternal Life
          John 7:17, "If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself."
          Lessons Learned: 1. Go and do what you're supposed to do, then you will know of it's truth.  2. It is our duty to keep the commandments of God.  3. If you are doing what's right you won't be led astray

***2/15/04 SUNDAY LESSON NOTES: Persistence
          My Def: The act of continually trying at something until you succeed at it or become so tired of it that you give up.
          Emerson: "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do - not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our power to do is increased."
          Persistence in our goals and desires, helps us to be the architect of our own lives.

***2/22/04 SUNDAY LESSON NOTES: Being Grateful
          When we give thanks for all things we see the eternal perspective
          Doctrine and Covenants 138:12 "And there were gathered together in one place an innumerable company of the spirits of the just, who had been faithful in the testimony of Jesus while they lived in mortality;"
          Doctrine and Covenants 138:30 "But behold, from among the righteous, he organized his forces and appointed messengers, clothed with power and authority, and commissioned them to go forth and carry the light of the gospel to them that were in darkness, even to all the spirits of men; and thus was the gospel preached to the dead."
          Doctrine and Covenants 59:7 "Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things."

6 November 2012

Some months ago I was really having trouble keeping up with the two kiddies, my business and cleaning the house.  I had gotten into the habit of thinking that everyone else's house is always the "pink of perfection" and our home is the only cluttered home that would never make magazine pictures.  I had a cleaning schedule I was good at following pre-Alessandra.  But post-second-baby I lost the schedule and had fallen out of following it so I couldn't remember it

 Pinterest showed me a schedule someone else swore up and down by, and since it's easier to be told what to do than to make decisions about boring things, I've been following it ever since.  Here's the thing, though, the cleaning schedule:
     Monday - All Laundry, Tidy up around the house, sweep/vac main floors
     Tuesday - Bathrooms
     Wednesday - Surfaces, Windows and All Floors
     Thursday - Organization project
     Friday - Tidy and sweep/vac main floors
is easy to follow but useless if not followed.  Yesterday I attempted to get back into the discipline of washing, folding and putting away all laundry in one day.  I was great (much better than usual) at getting all the laundry washed and dried.  I folded most, but not all.  I did put away what I folded, so that was good.  It took an incredible amount of discipline to get multiple loads of clothes washed and dried.  I had set the timer on my phone each time so I wouldn't lose track of the time and still had to convince myself to put down what I was doing each time to take care of the laundry.

The lesson - life takes discipline.  Self-Mastery and discipline.

Happiness in Life

I wanted to share the following quote that mommy shared with us in a family home even lesson on the importance of Journals and Record Keeping

***2/2/04 JOURNAL QUOTE: Spencer W. Kimball
          "...Each of us is important to those who are near and dear to us - and as our posterity read of our life's experiences, they, too, will come to know and love us.  And in that glorious day when our families are together in the eternities, we will already be acquainted."

I'm stacking two days together here because they are related and short.  I'm trying to get through the things I want to record and remember from the beginning of the year before I jump into April and May where I get my call and leave respectively.

***February 12,02004 JOURNAL: Feeling Better
         I notice that my tone in writing and choice of worlds differs depending on my mood.  I'm really glad to be feeling better.  Overall I'm just a thinky person.  Because of that I tend to draw stupid, hypothetical conclusions - then fret over it.  But somehow, within the past few days, I managed to let go of that.  Yesterday was a good day.  I read the lesson for institute and found greater understanding that I ever have before.  But more so trying to find application to my life.  I also read the lesson for RS on Sunday.  I was a nice kind of sedate day.  Although I was still overly thinky, I wasn't freaking out all that terribly and even managed to talk about the gospel with some co-workers.
***February 13, 2004 JOURNAL
          I feel happy.  I n a really good mood, which is nice because it's been awhile since I've been in my happy space.  I'm not sure how long this will last - but I'm not letting go of it all too soon.  My happy space is my own space.  I like to tell people that it exists 12 feet above the ground away from the corruption of the world.  Few things can bring me down aside from the personal choice of condescension   One of those days that you just an't help but smile at everyone, and say hello.  One of those days when God just reaches out and touches your heart and you know you are loved.  These days are the best.
          Every now and again I remember that heavenly Father knows me personally.  He knows the best and most effective ways to communicate with me.  He knows what I can handle and what I can't.  And when I earnestly seek him out when I need help, he is always there to comfort me.  He speaks directly to my heart and brings peace to my mind.
          In the past week I've learned to be specific in my prayers.  That way the right things happen.  Elder Packer said, there are two kinds of faith.  The kind of faith that causes us to believe things and the kind of faith that allows us to "move" people.  

5 November 2012

While I was working on today's blog, I noticed the house was really quiet.  I wondered what those two little kids could be up to and what kind of cleaning it would require when I finished.  I went to check on them.  Wouldn't you know, they were both asleep in Lloyd's room.  Cute little happy moments.

I've learned some great lessons on happiness in life.  I used to keep my happy place away from everyone else in the world.  A place where I could find quite solitude.  But what I have learned is that my happy space is much happier, when I allow it to be all around me and include the people I love.  I've learned that happiness is as much a choice as it is a reaction.  I've learned that regardless of how messy the house feels, or how much I have to repeat myself in order for the kids to stop sitting in that window, I can choose to be happy instead of choosing to over think and get depressed over things that just don't matter in the long run.

Yesterday Nake'u and I were talking together about some of the testimonies we heard at our Fast and Testimony meeting.  I would like to pause and say, that having Nake'u is the biggest blessing I thougth I'd never have.  It's so refreshing and enjoyable to be able to take as easily about gospel topics as it is to tell him what I had for lunch.  He said something yesterday, though, that I wanted to remember.  He mentioned that when we receive revelation it is based on the knowledge we have and related specifically to the topic of which we are seeking guidance.

Seeing the End from the Beginning

***February 10, 2004 JOURNAL: Scared and Confused
          I must need to go (on a mission.)  I can't remember my brother coming up against troubles.  But then again, he didn't tell me everything.  I'm trying to understand why it would be so hard for me to go.  Satan's working on me and it's a struggle not to give in.  It's especially hard because I can't see it - I don't know who this story is supposed to end.  I can't imagine this entire mission won't be a struggle.  I know it won't be worth my while unless I do my best and basically work myself until I "die."  And when I come back, then what?  I can't see it.  I must need to go.  If not why would it be so hard?  Why would there be so much opposition?  I need a hug.  I need to know that everything will work out.  But, I guess, sometimes you have to take a few steps into the darkness before you can see the light.  The reward doesn't come until after a trial of your faith.  I just wish my faith didn't need to be tested.  I wish I could see it.

3 November 2012

If I could see where I am now compared to where I was then, I would do it over a thousand times.

Last night we spent the greater part of our night preparing for a family fun fest up at the church today.  I learn more and more about relationships everyday I am married to my awesome husband.  Some of my favorite times spent with my husband is when we are working together on the same project.  I have learned that marriage and relationships are as much about learning to work together as much as it is about how happy I feel when I get to sit next to him and hold his hand.  It's as much about thinking about spending together forever, as it is enjoying the present.  I find when my focus changes from the me-monster to our family and our lives together, my day is much more enjoyable.  It is very easy for me to get caught up in how clean my house isn't and how much I feel my kids don't listen to the things I ask them to do.  But, when I take the time to enjoy where I am in life today all those concerns about my homemaking skills and my parenting skills and my business skills fade away to joy and happiness.