Back to it then

For some reason I had two journal entries this day ...

***6/03/04 JOURNAL: ATTRIBUTES OF CHRIST - Patience
          I know I've been given lots of opportunities this week that have really tested my patience.  I don't feel like I'm doing very well though, because I still get really angry and although it's not an outward aggression it's still there.  And I know I can't feel the spirit until I am no longer angry.

***June 3, 2004 JOURNAL: THURSDAY
          I was pretty upset this morning.  A lot of stuff piled on and my companion was late getting ready so we missed breakfast.  But I realized I had to get over that in order to be able to learn and to teach.  We taught the 1st discussion to some volunteers this morning.  That was nice.  definitely got some feedback only possible through converts, because they've been there before.  We also went to the Evaluation center.  We met with a Bro. Wagstaff.  He was really helpful because we were working on two specific goals: 1) making bold, direct commitments and 2) creating more of a discussion environment by asking questions.  He taught us how to ask questions on different levels, starting from basic and moving through to more in-depth questions.
          Got to play volleyball.  That was definitely a good release of energy.

30 December 2012

Few things compare to taking a month long, unannounced hiatus then just as unexpectedly jumping  back into things.

December has been a good month for us.  I had not given up on this blog.  I just needed to get settled into some changes before portioning out time to blogging again.

Toward the end of November we found out that Lloyd received a scholarship (Mahalo Kealii Pauahi!) which would allow him to attend preschool from January 2013 - June 2013.  These scholarships are awarded twice a year, and I missed the first round deadline.  There were three available openings at the Seagull School I wanted him to attend located on the Kapolei Elementary School Campus.  We were the second family to put in a deposit in an attempt to hold a spot until January when his scholarship would be active.  Nakeu and I were both concerned that, that spot may not be available in January as the director of the school was unable to to tell me firmly if they would hold his spot, with a deposit, in the case of other families starting full-time in December.  After a short deliberation and feeling we could afford it for one month, Nakeu and I decided to start Lloyd at the beginning of December, part-time, to help him get adjusted and at a slightly cheaper rate.  Our mornings are so quiet without him!  I can't imagine what it will be like on Wednesday when he'll be gone the whole of the day! :(

I had some Christmas things I wanted to do.  I did, on a smaller than I thought, scale make Christmas binders for the babies with coloring pages for songs and stories.  I had too many pages planned and not enough binder space.  So the project got scaled back, but was still successfully completed!  I have always wanted to make chocolates to give out at Christmas time.  In November I found (thank you Pinterest) some easy chocolate recipes to test.  Again this project was scaled back, but it was successfully completed in that I was able to make and give out some chocolate boxes.  The inside of the house was far more decorated, although scaled back from my glorious visions, than in years past.  Nakeu dressed up as Santa.  We made cookies for Santa and had a great Christmas Eve dinner where we formally dressed up the babies because Nakeu and I were too tired from getting dinner and babies and house ready for Christmas Eve to consider dressing up for a formal dinner.

If you noticed the theme of this year was to scale things back.  But the beauty is that we still had a great Christmas!  Not everything needs to get done and not everything needs to be big in order to be special and enjoyable.  And everyone was/is still happy.

One last memory I want to keep.  Early in December, in a phone conversation, Nakeu suggested purchasing only one gift for each other this year.  Then during "Week of Fun" (yes, from Christmas to New Year's when we are both off from work, with the exception of Nakeu who has to work tomorrow) if we find things we want to buy or other things that we need, we could purchase it then.  I had to make sure that Nakeu meant he also would only buy me one gift and I would buy him only one gift.  We agreed, which meant I needed to figure out how he would, if he were to bend the rules.  So on Christmas day we both broke the rules slightly, but the idea was there where we each had one gift from each other to open.  It was a great idea!  The next day the babies were with grandparents so we walked around Ross and picked up a few things that we liked and called it good.  Scaling back.

This year is a lesson in less is definitely more!

Happenings of the Day

***6/2/2004 MEETING NOTES: The Atonement of Jesus Christ - Bro. Dollar
          1. 2Nephi4:15 - The atonement: So sacred and special, it is spiritual learning
          2. Why should we focus on the atonement? Elder Holland:
               A. The atonement was/is a voluntary sacrifice for all pain, sickness, affliction, and sin because Christ loves us.
               B. The atonement is the compassionate foundation
               C. Every truth a missionary teaches is an appendage to the central message that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, the Holy Messiah, the promised one, the Saviour and the Redeemer
                    1) The point of the restoration is so we can have access to the atonement again
                    2) Sacrifice, for us, is necessary to understand Christ's sacrifice
          3. What does it mean to have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ?
               A. To believe the He is
               B. To live by His teachings
               C. Understanding that it is only possible through Christ's grace
               D. The first act of faith is not waiting for Him, but asking Him
          4. The importance of the atonement:
               A. It is the repeating message of the Book of Mormon: Have faith, repent, be baptized, the Holy Ghost
               B. It is the ever present power to call upon in everyday life.  Whenever we are racked or harrowed up or tormented by guilt or burden, He can heal us.  Pres. Packer.

***June 2, 2004 JOURNAL: One Week In
          So it's been a week.  It's true that the days seem like weeks and the weeks seem like days.
          Got to teach the 1st discussion today.  Such an awesome experience.  The spirit was so strong.  We started by singing a song. <GOOD IDEA: SIS. WAGSTAFF>  That was good for us.  We were a little discouraged after trying to teach Bro. Robinson.
          Feeling kind of down today.  I don't know why.  Homesick again, I guess.
          GOOD: Sang songs, taught 1st discussion
          COMPANION: got stitches twice, dad flies an airplane
          GOALS: Smile, have a good day

28 November 2012

The babies woke up and decided they wanted to wear jackets today.  60 degree weather in Hawaii = jackets for babies.

We are still waiting patiently for our pictures to come in from Olan Mills.  I am still convinced that our pictures were involved in the unfortunate 140 car crash that happened in Texas over the Thanksgiving holiday.  It is still early.  The projected arrival date for our pictures is 10 Dec 2012.  But the lady at the picture place got my hopes up and excited because she mentioned they've been experiencing quicker turn around times, like under a week.  Uh.  Patience.

Cleaning up the house this week.  Thankfully, Nake'u was home all of the Thanksgiving Holiday.  That really helped to keep the house clean.  Now I'm focused on upstairs. ... uh.  No one likes cleaning upstairs.  Probably because it's more utility than anything else.  We are the only ones that come upstairs.  So if it's a little more lived-in than downstairs, no one really knows.  But, I still have this obsession with an entirely clean home.  Most likely a result of too much tv.  Because you could never predict when a random television (or feevee if you are Pwopwo) crew will show up at your home, welcome themselves in and tell you, your house is a mess or that you are a hoarder.

It is not even December yet and we may well be the last ones to put up our outdoor Christmas decorations.  We got our tree on Black Friday, as usual and used the first Family Home Evening night there after to decorate our tree.  But of the seven visible homes in our cul-de-sac, we are one of two that haven't put up our outdoor decorations yet!  It's not even DECEMBER!  We'll catch up.  Probably in December, when outdoor decorations should be put up.

Lloyd already asks me if it's Christmas every morning when he wakes up. I have decided against doing an Advent count-down for the babies.  It was a ton of work last year and we didn't make it out of the first week.  This year we'll plan daily activities.  One thing I want to do and have been working on is making coloring pages of Christmas songs, so we can learn and sing together.  That will be fun.

28 Days

***6/1/2004 MEETING NOTES: Teaching and Finding by the Spirit - Bro. Nelson
          1. Without the spirit you will never succeed regardless of your talent and ability
               A. You are not the teacher
               B. The spirit is the teacher, the Lord is preparing people
          2. How do I prepare to teach by the spirit?  Become the Lord's favorite pen
               A. Not my message, the Lord's message
               B. the Lords work, in His way, on His timetable, without back talk
               C. Always full of ink (scriptural knowledge, doctrine ...)
               D. Be who I am and grow into what He wants me to become
               E. If I am prepared, it will happen
          3. Finding
               A. Work with members, teach in member's homes
               B.  Missionaries "fishing lines" should be in the water the moment they leave the house

***6/1/2004 DEVOTIONAL NOTES OF NOTE: Elder Merril J. Oakes
          1. Don't under estimate what the spirit can do.
          2. Spencer W. Kimball: “If you could only see the vision I have. I wish I had your bodies to do this work. I would run from house to house telling everyone of the gospel, and after I lost strength to run I would begin to walk, and after I collapsed from walking, I would begin to crawl, and after my knees were so bloody that I could not use them I would use my arms to drag myself, and once my muscle in my body was gone I would begin to yell…oh, only if you could see the vision as I have.” 
          3. Never be afraid to share the gospel
          4. Live so that the spirit of the Lord can be with you

***June 1, 2004 JOURNAL: So Good or No Good? Sooo-- Good!
          Good day!
          We went to the referral center again.  I really appreciate that place and the opportunity it provides.  I got to talk to two people today, would've been more but my phone was being funny :(.
          One lady wanted a Finding Faith in Christ video, and she would allow missionaries to deliver it.  She just recently had a hear attack, in addition to being diabetic.  She is home on disability and wanted to know more about Christ.  I felt prompted  to do two things 1) teach her about asking for a priesthood blessing and 2) have her read 3Nephi11.
          The second caller was a man and he also wanted a Finding Faith in Christ video.  I was so impressed that he would call because he wanted his kids to know about Jesus Christ.  I really wanted to lay out  the families can be together forever plan for him, but, I felt like I shouldn't.  But, I know that he is going to check out the website, so hopefully he'll get something out if it.
          We heart attacked two doors tonight - the sisters in our branch.  It was really funny because the other sisters had the same idea at the same time.
          GOOD: Outlined Disc. 2, Service this morning
          COMPANION: helpful, fun
          GOALS: help new missionaries (especially sisters) feel welcome tomorrow.

27 November 2012

According to my count down there are 28 days left until Christmas!  Our house is just busting with excitement.  Last night we decorated the Christmas tree.  In the very true words of Nake'u, it looks like Christmas exploded all over the tree.  The babies had real fun getting ornaments and putting them up on the tree.

Incredible

And we're back!  I've had this post ready for a while now, but haven't made the time to post it.  The honest truth.

***5/31/04 Notes of Note: Personal Study
          Source of truth
          -The scriptures define truth as the word of God
          -The truth makes you free
          -We can learn truth from God through the scriptures and the words of the prophets
          -Sin is an example of how man's understanding is not always basked on principles.  If man's understanding was always based on gospel principles, we would not make mistakes
           -All that is good is from God

***May 31, 2004 JOURNAL: Incredible
          The Lord answers prayers.  I know that he does.  He blessed me with an amazing day.
          Today was preparation day.  For me it was nice and slow paced.  Shined shoes.  Washed clothes.  Had some fun.  Got some exercise.  Read a lot about the atonement, repentance and plan of salvation.  God to write letters home.  I was so excited! It made me feel a lot better.  I hope the letters get there soon.  I want them all to know I'm okay.
          Class was the best though.  We got to go to the referral center (TRC) today.  So awesome!  I spoke with a lady from Colorado who wanted a Finding Faith in Christ DVD.  I got to bear testimony that I know Christ lives and that he died for us.
          Elder Duthrie helped us all out.  He spoke with a man from New York.  He was Catholic, like Elder Duthrie was.  He got to bear testimony of the truthfulness of this gospel and of the power of repentance.  Such a testimony building moment!

26 November 2012

As I type we are half way out the door to run some errands this morning.  I have learned the more I can get done in the morning, the more gets done during the day.  Here's the thing for me.  Once the kids settle down into movie time and nap time, my body also wants to be in movie/nap time mode and take a break.  Then, as the body relaxes, I feel less and less to do work around the house!  Takes a lot of will power to get myself up from a break and get back to work.  Truth in all of that.


Our Thanksgiving holiday was wonderful.  We had great food, and most of all enjoyed spending time together with our little family.  We love our babies and we love spending time with them.

Ahhhh, homesickness

While in the MTC we were required to write a 5 minute talk in preparation for Sacrament Meetings on Sunday.  The topic was assigned by our branch president the previous Sunday, and members of the branch were chosen to share their talks during sacrament meeting.

***5/30/2004 Talk on Repentance written for (but not shared in) Branch Sacrament Meeting
          The bible dictionary tells us that repentance is, "a turning of the heart and will to God, and a renunciation of sin.  ...Without this there can be no progress in the things of Salvation.  Repentance is not optional it is a commandment."
          Because God loves us and wants us to be able to be more like him, He sent us to Earth to be tested.  But He knew that we would not be able to return to Him on our own.  It is through Jesus Christ that we are able to return to our Heavenly Father.  Christ made it possible for us to repent of our sins - otherwise we would not be able to return to our Father in Heaven.
          We are not forced to repent.  In Ether 12:27 it reads, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."  The Lord knew that we would have difficult times.  This is the way we are able to learn and grow.
          I know that if we will humble ourselves, the Lord will help us, not only in our times of weakness, but whenever we need him.  And if we will humble ourselves before the Lord and seek repentance, make proper confessions, restitution and forsake our sins, I know the Lord will make our weaknesses into strengths.
          There is no better time than the present.  Isaiah tells us that we should repent now - to call upon the Lord while he is near.  Amulek tells us, in the book of Alma that this life is the time for us to prepare to meet God and that we should repent now.  The reason for this, is because we don't know how much longer we have before we will be called back home to our father in Heaven.  We need to be prepared now so that when that day comes we can report to our Father, just as the apostle Paul did, "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith."

***May 30, 2004 JOURNAL: Sunday
          Kind of junkie.  This is going to sound like a lot of complaining, which really shouldn't happen because I know I have so much to be grateful for.
          I was really looking forward to today because Sundays are my most favorite day of the week.  Plus we get a lot of personal study time.  But it wasn't the uplift I was expecting.  I was expecting to feel the way I  do in the branch and that, of course, didn't happen.
          I was already feeling homesick because I knew it was Sunday.  District Meeting was good.  Elder Duthrie and Elder Kuhle were assigned to be Assistants to the President.  Elder Wright was assigned to be district leader and Elder Morris the assistant district leader.
          Then I really started to miss home  The spirit in the branch is special to me.  I was expecting that here.  I was really trying to get my mind off of home.  So I get to work.  Which worked until this evening - I really wasn't feeling it.  So I set my sights on tomorrow - on the temple.  But since it's Memorial Day, the temple is closed.  After I found that out I really had to take some time to calm myself down.  I really wanted to be in a place where I can feel at home, feel the love of my Heavenly Father.  That opportunity will have to wait until next week.  But, I miss it.  The peace and understanding,t he opportunities to learn ...
          GOOD: memorized scriptures
          COMPANION: compassionate
          GOAL: Smile

19 November 2012

Hopefully I'm finally getting over this cold!  Kick it in the butt and out of my body.  I think the clogging in my ears may have cleared up, but I still hear some ringing so it's probably not back to equilibrium yet.

Last night I went to orchestra rehearsal.  Each year our stake produces a Christmas devotional.  This will be my seventh devotional participating in the orchestra.  Each year I reach a point where my stress level produced by whatever that year, lack of personal practice or players participating, or whatever, really starts to get me down.  This year our violin section is particularly small.  This I feel was Heavenly Father saying it's time to push me off a cliff (a President Pulsipher-ism and philosophy on receiving inspiration at transfer time).  I hate being pushed off of cliffs because it leaves me feeling exposed and uncomfortable more times than not.  No one likes that feeling.  This year is leaves me being the lone first violinist in an orchestra of about 12 people which is much smaller than I've experienced in years past.  Here's the reason this is a problem for me.  I don't like the way I sound when I play by myself.  I haven't yet needed to stand on my own to get comfortable with the way I sound.  The other reason this is a problem is because I need to learn how to emote feeling into my playing.  When you're playing with a large group of people this is not necessary.  It is easy to lean on the emotions, swellings and recessions of others to add emotion to the song.  Here are all the opportunities Heavenly Father is helping me to have this Christmas.  Gifts yes.  Uncomfortable, still yes.  But I remember a training we received either in a zone conference or a district meeting.  I'm sure I'll write about it later.  But it was about having an I Can attitude.  We developed an I Can and I Will mantra.  I can and I will.  I can and I will.  I can and I will.  Because what could I attempt to accomplish if I knew I could not fail?  All things!

A post about a Saturday on a Sunday

***Notes of Note from Classes and Meetings
          -Teach His words, not yours
          -Don't testify if you don't, first, believe it
          -Involve the Lord
          -Learn to listen to the spirit
          -How to study the gospel meaningfully:
               1. Why did Mormon put this here?
               2. What would I do in that situation?
               3. What can I learn from this?
               4. How does this teach me of Christ?
               5. How will I recognize similar events in my life?
               6. How could I share this or explain this in my own words to an investigator?
               7. How can I change my life to become like the person I am reading about?
               8. What is the context?
               9. How did they get where they are?  What can I do?
               10. What more can I get from this?  What is the spirit trying to teach me?
               11. Do I believe what I am reading?  Why?  How?

***May 29, 2004 JOURNAL: Saturday
          I didn't even know today was Saturday.  I've totally lost track of day and time!
          Today was a good day.  We got to teach the 1st discussion as a companionship for the first time.  We taught to some elders that are leaving next week.  the spirit was so strong and it felt good to be able to teach that.  I hope we are able to continue at this pace.  To learn and practice as much as we can.  But mostly to gain our own testimonies of the doctrine we will be teaching  I'm finally excited!
          For gym time, Sis. Wagstaff, suggested we do laps around campus.  I suggested we work on memorizing the fist vision.  It worked out great!
          GOOD: Memorized 1st Vision, shared 1st discussion, felt the spirit
          COMPANION: sweet, patient, non-judgmental, understanding
          GOAL: memorize DC 20:37, 5 min talk on Repentance

18 November 2012

ohmigosh this is like the cold that won't give up!  I can't remember the last time I could hear properly or breathe out of my nose.  I can hear Sis. Pulsipher in my ears telling me that if I am feeling sick then I need to clean up my house.  Looks like that will have to wait until tomorrow.  It's hard though, because I feel like I've gotten a ton of rest in the past few days, especially compared to my regular days.  So once again taking it easy today.  Whatever the kids do to the house will have to be okay until tomorrow.  So, maybe there won't be perfect hair or make-up today at church.  Meals will be even simpler than normal.  This morning I sat down and purposefully ate a good breakfast.  The whole breakfast.  Without interruption by babies or putting the dishes away or reading.  Just sat and ate breakfast before I got bored and distracted and decided I was done with it.  Now I am going to be done with this blog so I can take a short nap before getting everybody ready for church.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts

Day 17 and going strong.  Now that that's been stated, tomorrow will likely be a bust!

It should be known and noted that while I was in the MTC, we were not memorizing discussions.  We were using outlines and encouraged to teach by and with the Spirit.  We were told that the teaching methods were changing and a big change would come while we were in the mission field.  After a very few months of being out in the field we were introduced to Preach My Gospel.  I still love that book.

Also, there will be some notes from my personal scripture study and it should be noted that we were encouraged by our District President to study 2 Nephi 9 for 30 days.

***5/28/2004 NOTES of note from group meetings and classes:
          -"Ok, Lord, what can I do next?"  Then follow with exactness
          -Every good thought that comes to your mind is guidance from the spirit ... -Richard G. Scott
          -Get in --> Get powerful --> Get out!
          -At the end, invite them to change
          -Our goal is to help people come unto Christ
          --2Nephi9:  atonement is infinite and eternal, without the atonement we cannot return to God
               -righteous before = righteous after, filthy before = filthy after
               -Endured the crosses of the world: -joy shall be full forever  -so-- worth it!
          --Teaching No Greater Call: Teaching with Testimony: "... Nothing short of a testimony by the power of the Holy Ghost would bring wight and knowledge to them - bring them to repentance...." Pres. Young

*** May 28, 2004 JOURNAL: Day Three
          I got mail today.  I almost let it get to me.  I wanted to open it right there in class.  But I know the Elders were getting anxious about letters and so, so I'm thankful for teh example of my companion to put it away until a later time.
          The spirit is so strong here, and I'm grateful for it.  It helps me to learn at a much more accelerated rate than I would be able to do outside of the MTC.  And the spirit isn't afraid to testify of the truths, the doctrines and the principles that we learn here.  I'm grateful for the teachers that unload this wealth of knowledge on us - and like sponges we just take it all in.  I'm grateful for Elders that are excited about missionary work and push our district to newer and higher levels.
          GOOD: on time to more things, learning by the spirit, bore testimony, memorization
          COMPANION: humble, patient, helpful

17 November 2012

On waking up early.  I trained myself to be an early riser because in high school I needed to be on a bus that left at 6:15 am.  There after waking up early was not difficult for me.  In college, taking early classes meant I didn't have to be in class all at once in the middle of the day and could usually avoid evening and late afternoon classes, which I liked.  Waking up as a missionary at 6:30 am was not difficult for me.  Even now, my husband and I are early risers.  I see great benefits of being in the habit of an early riser.  We get to enjoy quiet time together before the babies wake up, although, they don't sleep much past 6:30 am.  We are able to get a lot done in the mornings before the sluggish post-lunch time of the day.  More accomplished in the morning/pre-noon time means less that needs to be done later.  It's not for everyone, but it works for us.

Today we took our annual pictures.  This year we went to the Olan Mills at KMart.  In previous years we'd go to Sears.  I had a coupon for cheaper and good looking Christmas greetings and cheaper great portraits that I am so excited about.  It's going to be like waiting for forever for the next two weeks until we get our pictures and cards.

As I type, I'm sitting here watching Nake'u play with Alessandra.  Pwopwo has her daddy wrapped and knows how to work him over.  And Nake'u loves that about her.  The babies love him and they love playing with him and that makes me smile.  I know there will be times in the future when our babies will disagree with us and hate us, so I am soaking in these moments when they love us.

MTC day two

***5/27/2004 JOURNAL QUOTE: Pres. Ezra Taft Benson
          "I have a vision of thousands of missionaries going into the mission field with hundreds of passages memorized from the Book of Mormon so that they might feed the needs of a spiritually famished world."

*** May 27, 2004 JOURNAL: Day Two
          The workings of the spirit are amazing here.
          I feel so blessed.
          Our district is so great.  The Elders really treat Sis. Wagstaff and me with a lot of respect.  It's nice that our group is growing together.  It makes it a lot easier for class discussion and for the spirit to be present there.  I've found a great desire to know everything I possibly can about this gospel.  It know it's true.  I'm so very grateful for our teachers, Sis. King and Bro. Robinson.  They are so supportive and knowledgeable.  So much good!  So much to write, but so little words.
          I know the gospel of Jesus Christ is true.  I know that it was restored its fullness and that is what we have on the earth today.  I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that he was chosen to to help the work of the Lord.  I know that among other things, Joseph Smith, restored the power of the priesthood and it is with that authority that the church is operated and directed today.
          GOOD: got to some classes on time, bore testimony twice, awesome district.
          COMPANION: humble, not judgmental, art/photo major, gracious
          GOALS FOR TOMORROW: Take every opportunity to learn by the spirit, bear testimony, patience, love, smile, talk to district.

16 November 2012

On growing up.  It's interesting that each day I spend with my kids the more like a responsible adult I feel.  Especially when it comes to getting things done for them.  I mean, yes, they will look cute in whatever outfit I buy for them or playing with a new toy.  What I'm talking about is getting paperwork done and getting them signed up for activities.  Lloyd was recently awarded a scholarship to attend preschool.  Yesterday we were getting things set up with the school so he can start attending soon.  Nake'u and I have wanted Lloyd to attend preschool for some time, but financially it wasn't something we could afford on our own right now.  And I think, in my heart of hearts, I didn't want Lloyd to be old enough for preschool.  But, I know all my denial about Lloyd's age will only hinder his progress if I don't start letting go more and more.  I knew from the day he was born that that was the last day he was going to belong only to Nake'u and me.  I knew, consciencely that each day my task would be to give him more and more independence until the day he moves out of the house and on with his life.   Working on all the paperwork that needs to get done and an additional doctor's appointment that needed to be scheduled makes it more and more real that my little baby boy that we brought home four years ago is truly growing into a handsome young man, intelligent and respectable.

On being sick.  Last week I blogged about holding my sick girl.  Not long thereafter I got whatever the babies had.  Now, a week later, I am still dealing with this cold.  It's crazy.  I don't like feeling sick.  I have always believed that catching a cold was Heavenly Father's way of telling me I need to take some time and slow down a bit.  But, I don't like that!  Today has been a recoup day from all of yesterday's errands and dinner with the missionaries, through which I allowed myself to be on my feet almost all day.  I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I weren't also pregnant and keeping myself off of more medications than I would have kept away from myself usually.  I feel so lazy, being in bed most of the day and looking around the house and feeling unaccomplished.

Orientation with the MTC Presidency

***5/26/2004 Orientation by MTC Presidency
     1. Pres. Workman - Quiet Dignity
          A. Who are you now? We are ministers (special witnesses) of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
          B. We need to rise above the culture of rebellion against dignity and authority.
          C. We are representatives of Christ
          D. 1Tim4:12 - be thou an example of the believers
          E. DON'T EAT LIKE A PIG
          F. DON'T CHEW LIKE A COW
          G. NO WRESTLING WITH THE ELDERS
          H. Overcome childishness and adopt the dignity of Jesus Christ.
     2. Pres. Andrus - Steps to a good companionship
          A. Learn how to smile
          B. Do everything together
          C. Never go to bed angry
          D. Learn to serve one another - take care of your companion first
          E. Look for something good in your companion everyday
          F. Learn and follow the guidelines the Lord has given us
          G. Never be alone
          -*We are like great rockets - moving slowly at first then increasing until we reach orbital velocity.
     3. Pres. Owen - When obedience ceases to become an irritant and becomes our quest, at that moment we are endowed with power

15 November 2012

It is interesting how much of what I learned as a missionary carries over into real life.  President Pulsipher (my mission president, yet to be introduced in this blogisphere) taught us that our missionary service time is our School for Eternity, training for our whole lives and preparing us for eternity.  I like that the notes above are still true for my life today.

Still super excited as we are now in the "Holiday Season."  Today we are putting together the rest of the outfits for picture taking on Saturday!  I love my husband.  I really think he let's me do things like coordinating clothes for pictures because he knows how much I enjoy it, even though I think he enjoys it as much as I do.  We talk about all these things though because I would hate for him to feel left out.  One year I'm certain we're going to dress like an Old Navy commercial, with hats, scarves, and big jackets on the beach!

First day in the MTC

We made it to the MTC!

***May 26, 2004 JOURNAL: First Day In
          I didn't cry.
          Talked to mom yesterday/last night.  Normal stuff.
          Talked to dad after waiting at the airport for four hours.  Yeah, they were late.
          The MTC is alright.  We haven't really done anything yet so we'll see how it goes tomorrow.
          GOOD: helped my companion, talked to people at dinner, tried to be on time, played piano, bore testimony
          COMPANION: Sister Wagstaff:  Six of nine in her family.  From Heber City, Utah.  Likes tennis.  Likes being near the lake in her town.  Has wanted to go on a mission for a few years.  Has been to the temple once.  Has a testimony of the gospel.  I'm grateful to have been blessed with such an easy going companion.  I know that as we spend more time together we will help each other to learn more of the gospel and come to love one another.
          GOALS FOR TOMORROW: get to activities on time, bear testimony, smile, talk to people in our district.

14 November 2012

Prior to arriving at the MTC I was picked up from the airport by my mom's sister, Aunty Elsalyn.  I had a few hours' wait at the SLC airport, which we will attribute to God and His Orchestration.  While waiting I was able to observe a small family gathering together, maybe 12 people.  They had balloons and welcome home signs.  I remember watching them wait with excited anticipation.  I remember seeing the sister missionary as she was reunited with her family after , what I imagine to have been a successful 18-months of service.  It suddenly felt like such a short amount of time.  I mean, here I entering the MTC and soon I would be home.  I wanted that same look of success and satisfaction that I saw on her.

The weather is starting to cool off bit in the early mornings, which makes for cuddle weather.  Today we'll be tackling the cleaning up the house more.  Having the babies sort out toys that we can sell or donate to make room for new stuff that they will be getting in the coming months.  Still so, so excited about Christmas. Scheduling  picture taking, ordering Christmas greetings and sending them out.  :)

On My Way to the MTC

***May 23, 2004 JOURNAL: Last Night Here

***May 25, 2004 JOURNAL:From San Francisco
          I didn't cry at the airport.  I thought I would, but I guess because I didn't hug anyone, outside of my family, there was less of an emotional goodbye, or because I've been saying goodbye to people for the past two weeks.  I'm almost surprised at how alright I am, maybe it just hasn't "sunk-in"yet.
          Besides my own family, Greg Sessions and two others also came to see me off.  I have gained a great appreciation for Greg.  Especially for his spirit and his counsel.  When he told he some of his fears, I emailed him my favorite talk by Sheri Dew about seeing the "Big Finish."  He returned the favor of sorts at the airport.  He gave me a talk by Elder Packer (The Candle of the Lord) and a letter of counsel to never settle for less than I deserve.
          The plane is about to board and I'm still not excited, like I think should be.  I know I have work to do.  I know that work can and will only be accomplished with the help of and by the direction of the Lord.  I am ready to work.  I am ready to learn and to grow and to help those around me in anyway I can.  I am as ready as I will ever be.  I look forward to the experiences both good and bad that lay before me.  I know that the spirit of the Lord is with me and I am not afraid.  We'll see how long that lasts.

13 November 2012

I don't know if I was ever really excited to about getting to the MTC or even to the mission field.  I think determined might be a better word.  Besides, I had taught myself not to get excited over things, that way I don't get disappointed when things don't work out. ... What a sad outlook on life.  Now I get excited to anticipate many things.  Currently, I am super excited that next week is Thanksgiving.  Time to spend with my family, enjoying great food and remembering everything I have to be grateful for.  I am so excited for Black Friday I could bust!  When we drove past the Home Depot today I was already looking out for those refrigerated-Matson containers that would be holding the Christmas tree will soon be standing in our front room.  I've learned it's better to get excited and happy about things and life and face occasional disappointment then to always live in fear of disappointment.

Going to the temple

Monday.  Monday.

***May 10, 2004 JOURNAL: Temple
          I went to the temple on Saturday (5/8).  I feel like that is the best thing I've ever done.  I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had (and now have) to attend the temple.  I'm grateful for the prep-classes that were offered to me.  I felt very ready when I got there and I wasn't scared.  Sister Munsen talked to me in the instructional room.  I'm grateful for the advice some people gave me before I went it.  It was way more important to listen for/identify the promptings of the spirit, rather than worry myself about trying to understand everything all at once.  I know that greater understanding will come as I continue to attend the temple and as I continue to live my life in accordance with the principles of the gospel.  Someday I hope to be able to work there.

12 November 2012

I believe my kids are rock stars.  I love watching them grow and learn and be happy everyday.  The more I spend time with my kids, the more I learn about how Heavenly Father must feel about me.

Got My Temple Recommend!

Just telling you about my life at the time.  Since I received my call to serve as a missionary I made myself very busy attending church meetings and spending time with friends.

***May 2, 2004 JOURNAL: It's a Sunday
          Got my temple recommend signed by President Paet.  Went to the branch for Sacrament.  I miss the branch.  I'm so glad the people in the branch "hang out" a lot more than they used to.
          Leo came over to help us move some stuff yesterday.  I haven't seen her in a long while.
          Penny leaves the night of my party.  Went to her house yesterday.  I enjoy hanging out at her house.  Her nephews are so much fun.  I'm glad she stayed as long as she did.
          Greg has been over more.  We've been having fun doing fun excursions together and watching movies.
          This has been a re-telling more than anything else.  How I feel about things are hard at the moment.  I've been very tired this past week.  In part due to lack of sleep and part due to lack of good sleep.
          Here is what I know: I'm leaving to serve the Lord in less than a month.  I'm going.  I am going to serve for 18 months.  As long as I have that set in my mind I know I'll be alright.  That is my focus.  As long as I can focus on leaving and keeping myself straight, I am alright.

11 November 2012

I am a cryer.  I never anticipated being the crying woman in the movies and when my babies do great things.  Today was the Primary presentation in our ward.  For one song just the 4-6 year-olds sang.  I cried.  Not hysterically.  Just the welling up of tears that start to drip un-control-ably.  He usually yells his favorite part, "...the best, I can ..." and my heart just swells.  It's hard to believe he's four-years-old.  I see him as ageless.  All I know is he's my baby.

The Arrival of the Mission Call

I skipped over some journals to get to more the excitement sooner.

***March 12, 2004 JOURNAL QUOTE: Mike Hutchison
          "On the path of life we must keep moving through pain and loss, for the journey provides the meaning to the final destination."

***March 28, 2004 JOURNAL QUOTE: Anonymous
          "Strength does not come from winning.  Your struggles develop your strengths.  When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength."


***April 17, 2004 JOURNAL: Catchin' Up
          It's been awhile.  A lot has happened and I feel the need to write. I've felt the need to wrote for awhile, but I couldn't get my thoughts together.
          First off - I got my mission call.  It got back really fast.  I saw Stake President on March 16th.  My call arrived in the mailbox on April 2nd.  I've been assigned to serve in the Micronesia Guam Mission.  I'm not excited yet.  I have to report to the MTC on May 26th.  Time here is short and I'm trying to manage it well.  Last night I went to see "Swing" with Greg, Jason and Jason's friend Monica. It was a musical type of show - kind of like "Smokey Joe's Cafe."  It was really good: swing music, dancing, can't go wrong.

10 November 2012

I remember the mission call came in the mail on a Thursday, and I wanted to open it immediately.  Daddy told me I had to wait until Saturday.  Saturday was the first day of General Conference.  After the second session we had luncheon set-up at the house and invited a bunch of friends over.  Then, finally, after lunch, I got to open and read my call.  I remember, not entirely knowing where the Micronesia Guam mission was located.  I was called to be trained on teaching in the English language in the MTC. I had no idea at the time the diversity of people and languages I would soon meet.

So, after holding Pwopwo for hours yesterday, so she could feel happy and sleep even though she was sick, both my babies abandoned us last night ... :).  Once a night our little family has dinner with my parents and sister at Hannarah's.  While there Lloyd asked if we could go over to my parent's house, then preceded to ask (spontaneously) if they could sleep over at my parent's house. As we dropped them off at my parent's house I get a waving, "Bye, mama, bye."  From Pwopwo and barely a hug from Lloyd.  I love my kids.  They grow up so quickly!

Whats's more Important?

I am currently editing in html so I can sit next to Alessandra who is not feeling well at the moment.

***March 11, 2004 JOURNAL: Missions
          I don't want people to make a big fuss over me.  I'm scared.  I was brought to the realization Monday that more than anything this mission will be about personal growth.  I know it'll all turn out well, that it'll provide growth and experience that can't be gained anywhere else.  But I'm scared and I'm no exactly sure why.  It makes me feel emotional and makes me want to cry.  I don't want them to make a big fuss over it on Sunday at the branch.  I'm not gone yet and I'd rather the transition be smooth and not be a big shock next week, for my last week.  There is still work that needs to be done in the branch.
          Dad was telling me there's a lot of good I can do in the ward before I leave.  Help build up the singles program there.  I know it was selfish to think I'd get a break.  The work goes on.  It is always there - waiting for us to take the opportunity to be blessed

9 November 2012

I'm witting next to an awake sick child that is sucking on her thumb and pinching my arm. When Pwopwo is sick she finds it easiest to sleep right on someone rather than in her crib or in her own space.  So for the better of the last few hours I have been helping her go back to sleep, helping Lloyd stay asleep and tending to my, thankfully, well infant client.  About 10 minutes ago I finally gave her some medication.  Which means naptime is over.  But at least she feels better.  What does that mean?  It means the dishes are currently not washed, the house is somewhat in disarray, and the trash has not been taken out yet.  Here's the thing though: in a few short years the house will be wholely clean everyday and all the time because my babies will have grown up and moved out and will not need me to hold them to sleep while they are sick. While it is important for the dishes to be wahsed and he house to be tidied and the trash to be taken out those things will not make up for missing out on spending precious time with my babies while they are with me.  Not an all the time excuse, but enough reason for right now.

Gratitude

Do you know how many people would know if I skipped out on blogging for one day?

***JOURNAL: March 4, 2004
          I'm grateful for this journal and I'm glad I'm writing again.  It allows me to see progression in myself.  It acts as a compilation of thoughts, quotes, ideas and letters.  It is my space to think out loud which is necessary for me because I don't talk to very many people about that things that are bothering me.  I've found I'm grateful for a lot of things.  Rain, of course (whoo-hoo we're expecting another storm!)  I'm grateful for the branch.  Funny though, because I never wanted to go to the branch.  I had already belonged to the singles ward in Oregon and wanted to be in a home ward over my breaks.  I'm grateful for all the opportunities I've had to serve in the branch.  I'm beginning to see how everything in my life fits together.  I would never had made it to the University of Oregon if I had stayed at Nanakuli High.  Kamehameha allowed an environment that would help me to grow in ways not possible anywhere else.  I know it was not meant for me to go to any BYU campus, not that I wanted to either.  I went to a BYU open house one year in high school, the speaker got up and said, "Church college is not for everyone.  Just because you are a member of this church does not mean you need to attend BYU."  I said, amen and was ready to leave.  I thought Oregon fit me much better.  I needed to be in a place that allowed me to make my own decisions, without so many straight out restrictions.  A place where people din't know me yet.  Somewhere that I could be myself without expectations.  Overall, Oregon was a good experience for me.  I met some great people and there are some memories I know I'll never forget.  Leaving school early was necessary.  I can see how I've grown in ways I never thought possible.  I've collected traits, quirks, habits, and other stuff from the different places that I've been and the different people I've met.  These are things I can keep with me forever.  Long after I grow out of t-shirts and pens run out of ink.  I'm grateful for all the things the Lord has provided for me - especially the people he has allowed me to meet.  I feel I have reached a mini-climactic point in "The Book of Ari's Life."  It's that point where you can see how everything you've read form the beginning is falling into place.  You can see why certain decisions had to be made and why particular roads had to be taken.  You can guess at what this should all resolve to, but you read on to find out how it all works out.

8 November 2012

It has been a marathon kind of day today.  And in all things today, I am grateful for my husband.  Especially on days like to day, I'm grateful I said yes and was temple ready when he was.  Preach My Gospel talks about how the Lord is preparing us to meet specific people and preparing them to me us.  I believe that was the case with Nake'u and me.  He is everything I asked Heavenly Father to give me in an eternal companion and so much more.  I love you, Nake'u Smith.  Thank you for all you've done to make today easier than it would've been to take our two babies, and infant client to two doctors appointments where we were in each doctor's office for over an hour. Then cooking yummy get-better soup for all of us sicky-faces.  "You're the best" doesn't even begin to describe.

Uh, the time I wanted to give up on house chores

Some personal study notes.  I noticed I was not very good at dating this material.  It is all from January - February 2004

*** PERSONAL STUDY
HOPE - A state of longing for or anticipating something good
HOPE IN CHRIST - An assurance that a longing for or an anticipation of eternal life will be realized

PEACE - A cessation of conflict or turmoil, a tranquil state
PEACE IN CHRIST - That tranquility of mind and soul which comes with a brightness of hope in Christ

REST - An escape from activity or use of mental and physical energy
REST OF THE LORD - To gain a perfect knowledge of God's work in this life and to enter into the fullness of the glory of God, either in this life or the next

***2/4/04 PERSONAL STUDY: Alma 22-29
          -to receive eternal life we must repent of our sins, be baptized and have faith in the words of Christ
          -the Amalakites and the the Amulonites did not join the church because their hearts were hardened against the truth ... having once known the truth and had already chosen not to believe
          -Evidence of true conversion of the Lamanites: 1. did not want to go to war for fear of breaking the commandments of God.  2. Had a testimony of the mercy of God.  3. Held true to their word and died for their beliefs

*** PERSONAL STUDY: Ch. 32 Formula for Developing a Testimony
          -be humble --> learn wisdom
          -become humble -->repentance -->find mercy -->endure to the end  -->blessings
          -have faith -->be believing -->be baptized -->great blessings
          You must sincerely believe, then continuously cultivate that belief.  Scripture study builds faith: Bruce R. McConkie, "Those who study, ponder and pray about the scriptures, seeking to understand their deep and hidden meanings, receive from time to time great outpourings of light and knowledge from the Holy spirit. ... a sudden rush of ideas."

***PERSONAL STUDY: Alma 34-35
          If the atonement had not been made, all mankind would unavoidably perish.  All would be lost.

7 November 2012

I tried to post this blog earlier this morning, but I hadn't decided on what to write in for today's journal entry. Then I had an epiphinistic moment of rather self-depressic proportion.  I had my list of to-do's for the day ready to go.  I try to to-do list myself everyday, but it was especially important today because I am in charge of the mutual night tonight up at the church with the Young Women.  I was trying, as efficiently as possible with two young children and  my infant client, to make my way down my to-do list.  Wednesday is surfaces day and I meant to steam the downstairs floor.  We own a Shark Vac then Steam, which I have loved since we bought our first one two years ago.  But for the second time in two years it broke a month outside of it's manufacturer's warranty.  And I had just started steaming the floor.  I wasn't even 5% done.  Grrrr.  It's moments like those where I generally choose to throw the internal adult temper-tantrum  and put myself in time out.  I mean, why plan out my day for success when something as unpredictable as steam-vac breaking down was going to ruin my chances?  Uh.  After that all I wanted to do was shut down, watch tv with the babies and eat every chocolaty- sweet thing I could get my hands on.  I generally don't need to be depressed or sad to indulge in chocolaty- goodness, but it makes me momentarily feel better.  Instead, I allowed myself a short, mental break, took my big-girl pill (which may or may not have been a chocolate treat ...) and decided that I can't let one hiccup in my day shut down all production.  So, it wasn't meant for me to get the downstairs floors all steamed before dinner time.  So, the couches will stay stacked on the one side until later tonight when I replace our steamer.  So, what?  Let it go and move on.  Uh, uh, uh.  Tough lesson there.  Now, onto other productive things that I can scratch off my to-do list and still feel successful today.

Notes from Sunday Lessons and a Lesson on Discipline

*** 2/8/04 SUNDAY LESSON NOTES: Walking in the Path That Leads to Eternal Life
          John 7:17, "If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself."
          Lessons Learned: 1. Go and do what you're supposed to do, then you will know of it's truth.  2. It is our duty to keep the commandments of God.  3. If you are doing what's right you won't be led astray

***2/15/04 SUNDAY LESSON NOTES: Persistence
          My Def: The act of continually trying at something until you succeed at it or become so tired of it that you give up.
          Emerson: "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do - not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our power to do is increased."
          Persistence in our goals and desires, helps us to be the architect of our own lives.

***2/22/04 SUNDAY LESSON NOTES: Being Grateful
          When we give thanks for all things we see the eternal perspective
          Doctrine and Covenants 138:12 "And there were gathered together in one place an innumerable company of the spirits of the just, who had been faithful in the testimony of Jesus while they lived in mortality;"
          Doctrine and Covenants 138:30 "But behold, from among the righteous, he organized his forces and appointed messengers, clothed with power and authority, and commissioned them to go forth and carry the light of the gospel to them that were in darkness, even to all the spirits of men; and thus was the gospel preached to the dead."
          Doctrine and Covenants 59:7 "Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things."

6 November 2012

Some months ago I was really having trouble keeping up with the two kiddies, my business and cleaning the house.  I had gotten into the habit of thinking that everyone else's house is always the "pink of perfection" and our home is the only cluttered home that would never make magazine pictures.  I had a cleaning schedule I was good at following pre-Alessandra.  But post-second-baby I lost the schedule and had fallen out of following it so I couldn't remember it

 Pinterest showed me a schedule someone else swore up and down by, and since it's easier to be told what to do than to make decisions about boring things, I've been following it ever since.  Here's the thing, though, the cleaning schedule:
     Monday - All Laundry, Tidy up around the house, sweep/vac main floors
     Tuesday - Bathrooms
     Wednesday - Surfaces, Windows and All Floors
     Thursday - Organization project
     Friday - Tidy and sweep/vac main floors
is easy to follow but useless if not followed.  Yesterday I attempted to get back into the discipline of washing, folding and putting away all laundry in one day.  I was great (much better than usual) at getting all the laundry washed and dried.  I folded most, but not all.  I did put away what I folded, so that was good.  It took an incredible amount of discipline to get multiple loads of clothes washed and dried.  I had set the timer on my phone each time so I wouldn't lose track of the time and still had to convince myself to put down what I was doing each time to take care of the laundry.

The lesson - life takes discipline.  Self-Mastery and discipline.

Happiness in Life

I wanted to share the following quote that mommy shared with us in a family home even lesson on the importance of Journals and Record Keeping

***2/2/04 JOURNAL QUOTE: Spencer W. Kimball
          "...Each of us is important to those who are near and dear to us - and as our posterity read of our life's experiences, they, too, will come to know and love us.  And in that glorious day when our families are together in the eternities, we will already be acquainted."

I'm stacking two days together here because they are related and short.  I'm trying to get through the things I want to record and remember from the beginning of the year before I jump into April and May where I get my call and leave respectively.

***February 12,02004 JOURNAL: Feeling Better
         I notice that my tone in writing and choice of worlds differs depending on my mood.  I'm really glad to be feeling better.  Overall I'm just a thinky person.  Because of that I tend to draw stupid, hypothetical conclusions - then fret over it.  But somehow, within the past few days, I managed to let go of that.  Yesterday was a good day.  I read the lesson for institute and found greater understanding that I ever have before.  But more so trying to find application to my life.  I also read the lesson for RS on Sunday.  I was a nice kind of sedate day.  Although I was still overly thinky, I wasn't freaking out all that terribly and even managed to talk about the gospel with some co-workers.
***February 13, 2004 JOURNAL
          I feel happy.  I n a really good mood, which is nice because it's been awhile since I've been in my happy space.  I'm not sure how long this will last - but I'm not letting go of it all too soon.  My happy space is my own space.  I like to tell people that it exists 12 feet above the ground away from the corruption of the world.  Few things can bring me down aside from the personal choice of condescension   One of those days that you just an't help but smile at everyone, and say hello.  One of those days when God just reaches out and touches your heart and you know you are loved.  These days are the best.
          Every now and again I remember that heavenly Father knows me personally.  He knows the best and most effective ways to communicate with me.  He knows what I can handle and what I can't.  And when I earnestly seek him out when I need help, he is always there to comfort me.  He speaks directly to my heart and brings peace to my mind.
          In the past week I've learned to be specific in my prayers.  That way the right things happen.  Elder Packer said, there are two kinds of faith.  The kind of faith that causes us to believe things and the kind of faith that allows us to "move" people.  

5 November 2012

While I was working on today's blog, I noticed the house was really quiet.  I wondered what those two little kids could be up to and what kind of cleaning it would require when I finished.  I went to check on them.  Wouldn't you know, they were both asleep in Lloyd's room.  Cute little happy moments.

I've learned some great lessons on happiness in life.  I used to keep my happy place away from everyone else in the world.  A place where I could find quite solitude.  But what I have learned is that my happy space is much happier, when I allow it to be all around me and include the people I love.  I've learned that happiness is as much a choice as it is a reaction.  I've learned that regardless of how messy the house feels, or how much I have to repeat myself in order for the kids to stop sitting in that window, I can choose to be happy instead of choosing to over think and get depressed over things that just don't matter in the long run.

Yesterday Nake'u and I were talking together about some of the testimonies we heard at our Fast and Testimony meeting.  I would like to pause and say, that having Nake'u is the biggest blessing I thougth I'd never have.  It's so refreshing and enjoyable to be able to take as easily about gospel topics as it is to tell him what I had for lunch.  He said something yesterday, though, that I wanted to remember.  He mentioned that when we receive revelation it is based on the knowledge we have and related specifically to the topic of which we are seeking guidance.

A Talk I Prepared

This is a talk I gave in the Makaha Ward of the Makakilo, Hawaii Stake in January 2004, as a stake Young Single Adult representative

***January 11, 2004 SACRAMENT MEETING NOTES: A Talk
          A couple of days ago I got a call from Bishop Wegesand.  I think he was a little surprised that I was to speak in your ward today and he asked me why.  I, I told him, I think it's President Paet's idea of a joke.  Or at least that's what I thought, when I saw the printout of this year's stake speakers.  I saw the email and straight away called my dad.  He just laughed at me, because he had already seen it.  In a later meeting with President Paet I found out there were not typos.  He had assigned all four of the Stake Single Adult Representatives to speak in 2004 - so here I am.
          I am very honored to be here today and to be speaking with one of my personal heroes, Brother Tiave.  When i was a youth, he was in charge of the youth program.  As I got older, I moved into the singles branch, and Brother Tiave was the 1st Counselor in the Branch Presidency.  Brother Tiave has always been an example of great patience, which anyone who knows his sons can attest to, and great faith, which anyone who knows what he drives can attest to.  And, I am really grateful to be able to accompany him today.  For me, Bother Tiave is a person that stands for his beliefs.
          President Gordon B. Hinckley wrote a book called, Standing for Something.  It outlines different things we should stand for.
           The first thing he talks about is love. He says, "One of the greatest challenges we face in our hurried, self-centered lives is to follow the counsel of the Master, to take the time to make the effort to care for others, to develop and exercise the one quality that would enable us to change the lives of others - what the scriptures call charity . . . . best defined, charity is the pure love exemplified by Jesus Christ.  It embraces kindness, a reaching out to lift and help, the sharing of one's bread if need be."
          Our single adults know a thing or two about bread; or, at least, now they do.  At one of our family home evening nights this past year, we made banana bread that was to be delivered to homes of some non-members and less-active members.  Now, normally when you bake anything, as a rule of thumb the first thing you do is mix the sugar with the butter - and that is the basic mixture.  One of our "bread-making-groups" had different thoughts; they mixed the eggs with the butter and sifted the sugar with the flour.  It was really entertaining to watch them sort of dump everything together, give it a swirl and throw it into a pan.  In the end we they had sort of a lumpy, wad that didn't resemble anything like bread batter.  Aside from that mistake, when we took the bread out of he oven we couldn't tell that one apart from the other two.  So we thought it was alright.  Because of timing, the bread wasn't delivered until a few days later.  I had asked my dad and my brother to visit a different family from the ones they had intended to visit -  which they did.  After that we invited that family over to one of our family home evenings (without all the single adults).  So, I asked the mom how the bread was.  She looked at me for a second, and was kind of deciding to put it nicely, I guess.  Finally she said, "it was horrible!  You couldn't exactly eat it, you kind of had to gnaw at it because it was so hard."  We all laughed and my dad told her the story of our poor, little wayward group.  But that didn't matter to her.  What did matter was her daughter who had considered going in-active and her son who was in-active were able to share a family home evening with us.  The next week they even came to a single-adult family home evening where they could start making friends and feel of the love we had to offer them.
          President Hinckley went on to say, "Love is the only force that can erase the difference between people or bridge the chasms of bitterness. . . . if the world is to be improved, the process of love must make a change in the hearts of humans.  It can do so when we look beyond self to give our love to God and others, and to do so with all our hears, with all our souls, and with all our minds."
          We can stand for love in helping one another and serving one another without taking thought for ourselves.
          Another topic, President Hinckley, wrote on was forgiveness and mercy.  He said, "We have need of forgiveness, mercy and compassion . . . for they are the essence of goodness. . . . Too often, too many people spend their days blaming others, nurturing grudges and planning retribution."
          My most favorite example of forgiveness is the story of the prodigal son.  With all the wrong the youngest son did, his father still forgave him.  This reminds me that whatever wrong I  do or faults I have, I still have the ability to repent.  And because I can repent, I can be forgiven, and because I can be forgiven, I can forgive others.
          We were in a class one day, either Sunday School or Institute or it might have been Family Home Evening, anyway, we were trying to decipher the difference between forgiveness and mercy.  We came to the conclusion that it was  a thought and action situation.  Mercy is the thought and forgiveness is the action.
          President Hinckley went on to say, "The willingness to forgive is a sign of spiritual and emotional maturity. . . . Imagine a world filled with individuals willing both to apologize and to accept an apology."
          We can stand for forgiveness and mercy by being quick to seek forgiveness and to forgive others.
          President Hinckley also talks about gratitude.  He says, "When we walk with gratitude we do not walk with arrogance and conceit and egotism, but rather with a spirit of thanksgiving that is becoming to us and will bless our lives . . . we ought to be grateful, to be thankful, to walk with appreciation and respect for the blessings of life and happiness that we enjoy."
          The holiday season is usually about the time of year when I remember how grateful I am for things.  One of my institute teachers, a few years ago, started a tradition with is students.  He had us go through the alphabet and for each letter write something that started with that letter that we were thankful for.  The real challenge comes as I try to do it year after year.  To try to think of new things that start with the letter "X", and to try to think of specific things I was grateful for in the past year.  But the point was - if you can make it through the entire alphabet then you have at least 26 things to be grateful for, and you must be pretty well off.
          One of the best places to start being grateful is in our prayers.  That is because everything we have is a  blessing from our Father in Heaven.  Being thankful in our prayers is a way we can show our love for our Heavenly Father.  I know that as we truly start to think about and pray about the things we are grateful for - gratitude towards others will become a natural reaction.
          On the topic of gratitude, president Hinckley went on to say, "We ought to express our gratitude daily in countless ways - to each other, to our parents and other family members who have contributed so dramatically to our lives, to friends who have given us the benefit of the doubt again and again, to colleagues and associates who motivate and inspire us to reach higher and do better, to prudent leaders who serve selflessly, and particularly to . . . [God] . . . from Whom all ultimate blessings and goodness flow."
          We can stand for gratitude by showing our thankfulness to our Heavenly Father and to those around us.
          The last thing President Hinckley talked about was faith.  He said, "If there is any one thing that you and I need . . . it is faith - that dynamic, powerful, marvelous element by which, as Paul declared, the very worlds were framed (Heb. 11:3).  I refer not to some ethereal concept but of a practical, pragmatic, working faith - the kind of faith that moves us to get on our knees and plead with the Lord for guidance, and then, having a measure of divine confidence, get on our feet and go to work to help bring the desired results to pass. . . . Could not any of us say that if we had greater faith in God we could do better than we are now doing?  There is no obstacle too great, no challenge too difficult, if we have faith.  With faith we can rise above those negative element in our lives that constantly pull us down."
          The scriptures are full of stories of faith; as are the Ensign, New Era and Friend magazines.  there are a great many published works, produced by the church that detail, describe and define faith.  But all of that has little meaning unless you have faith.  That is because faith, real faith, starts within you.  Faith is what got you out of bed this morning.  Some hope that all of this is true: that the church is true, that there is a living God, that the principles and doctrines we learn about every week are true.  That's where it starts.  Knowing for yourself that hose things are true.  Having that knowledge takes faith.  Faith does not necessarily make life easier but id does provide a calming peace that makes life worth it.  We can stand for faith by building our faith of what we believe in.
          If we can stand for these things: love, forgiveness and mercy, gratitude and faith, I know, we will be blessed.  Revelations 21:3 - gives us a glimpse of those promised blessings, "...behold the tabernacle of God is with me, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."
          We live in a time of religious freedom.  More religious freedom than any other previous time period and more religious freedom than any other place on Earth.  We do not face direct persecution.  We do not need to fear for our lives because of our beliefs.  We do need to stand up for our beliefs.  Not by being loud.  Not by drawing a lot of unnecessary attention to ourselves.  But, simply by living the commandments of God everyday.  By not fearing the judgments of those around us, and realizing that we are not alone.  Realizing that we have the support of the members of this church.  We have the support and the love of the leaders of our church  And, we have the love of our Father in Heaven and His son, Jesus Christ.
          I know this church is true.  I know that we can stand up for our beliefs.  Although, I know, it will not be easy it will be possible.  I know that if we do stand up for our beliefs we will be greatly blessed.  Imagine the world described in Revelations 21, a world without pain or death or tears.  That is a promise I look forward to.  It is something I can work towards.
          I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
         

Seeing the End from the Beginning

***February 10, 2004 JOURNAL: Scared and Confused
          I must need to go (on a mission.)  I can't remember my brother coming up against troubles.  But then again, he didn't tell me everything.  I'm trying to understand why it would be so hard for me to go.  Satan's working on me and it's a struggle not to give in.  It's especially hard because I can't see it - I don't know who this story is supposed to end.  I can't imagine this entire mission won't be a struggle.  I know it won't be worth my while unless I do my best and basically work myself until I "die."  And when I come back, then what?  I can't see it.  I must need to go.  If not why would it be so hard?  Why would there be so much opposition?  I need a hug.  I need to know that everything will work out.  But, I guess, sometimes you have to take a few steps into the darkness before you can see the light.  The reward doesn't come until after a trial of your faith.  I just wish my faith didn't need to be tested.  I wish I could see it.

3 November 2012

If I could see where I am now compared to where I was then, I would do it over a thousand times.

Last night we spent the greater part of our night preparing for a family fun fest up at the church today.  I learn more and more about relationships everyday I am married to my awesome husband.  Some of my favorite times spent with my husband is when we are working together on the same project.  I have learned that marriage and relationships are as much about learning to work together as much as it is about how happy I feel when I get to sit next to him and hold his hand.  It's as much about thinking about spending together forever, as it is enjoying the present.  I find when my focus changes from the me-monster to our family and our lives together, my day is much more enjoyable.  It is very easy for me to get caught up in how clean my house isn't and how much I feel my kids don't listen to the things I ask them to do.  But, when I take the time to enjoy where I am in life today all those concerns about my homemaking skills and my parenting skills and my business skills fade away to joy and happiness.

Lesser known truths about growing up

It should be noted that my journals used to be kept in three sections (a 3-section notebook).  The first section for notes on Sunday and other church meetings.  The second section for notes on personal scripture study and institute classes.  The last section for journal.  For each journal entry there is a specific title.  I don't know when or why I started doing this, but I did.  I never held myself to writing everyday, but I tried for at least once a week.  The entries I share here may come from any of the sections, and I'll preface each entry.

I have decided to skip the rest of the month of January for all entries.  There was nothing terribly exciting in the two notes sections.  As for the journal section, it was mostly complaints about work and other people.  I will note that in that month I learned about the passing of a friend and mentor, Benjamin Hoke.

***February 4, 2004 JOURNAL: First Day of No Work
          I can't say that I'm not happy.  I was feeling like some old person that just retired.  Now I have a lot of  "extra time" to do things I want to do.  Among which includes taking better care of myself, cleaning up the house, catching up on church stuff and catching up on reading.
          Sunday I had a birthday interview with the branch president.  He started talking about going on a mission.  Then he asked me what would happen if I were to get married first.  I blanked.  I didn't what to say.  Then I told him my decision was that I should go.  He said that was good and reminded me the final decision was up to me.  I told him this was not helpful.  With difficult decisions it's easier to be told what to do.  Then, if it doesn't work out, someone else takes the blame.  But being questioned that like makes me wonder what I should do.

2 November 2012

That lesson about being told what to do is easier that deciding for myself is one of those lesser known truths about growing up.  The older I get the more I have to rely on my own decisions that the decisions of others.  That ties in with another lesson about growing up I learned, which is: If decide you want to accomplish something then you need to do the work!

I was once taught (although I can't remember the source) that if I couldn't keep my own room clean, how could I possibly keep a whole house clean?  While I was not good at keeping my room clean as a child ... I shared a small room with my three siblings, and if they didn't clean up their stuff, why should I clean up my stuff? ... I was much better as a teen when we moved and I we each had our own room space.  What they didn't teach me was that cleaning a house, with young children, takes work.  If something is dropped on the ground, it will not magically re-appear in the place to which it belongs.  If the dishes are left in the sink over-night, they will not be cleaned and put away in the morning when I wake up.  If a child goes to sleep dirty, without a bath, they will still be dirty in the morning, but will still give you smiles.  Life takes work, little by little, day by day until the whole house is clean (which is yet to be realized since the birth of Lloyd).

A Project

I decided I wanted a way to accomplish two tasks.  First I wanted to be able to digitize my journals from the time I turned in my mission papers to just after returning home from serving a mission.  Second I wanted to be able to post real experiences about my life now.  Each of my posts will contain an abridged (only the important and relevant information) but otherwise unedited version of a past journal and a current life experience.

***January 1, 2004
          It feels kind of weird starting up this "journal" idea again.  I guess I'll just be "shaking hands" for a while - feeling things out.  It's like I'm not comfortable with being open with the thoughts and ideas that travel back and forth across my mind.  As if putting them down on paper somehow makes it real and alive.  At the very least it makes them, these thoughts, available for future reference.
          I feel conflicted.  My heart isn't making it very easy to live.  In my mind I know I need to focus on going on a mission.  But my heart is very scared.  My brain won't ever understand my heart.  It has all become very complicated.  I think I make it that way though.  I know things can be very simple if I let them.  And I think I am finally coming to understand that concept.  Life doesn't have to be any harder then I make it for myself.  And I know, I know, that I need to be able to trust my heart and with that let go of the insecurities I conjure up for myself in my mind.

1 November 2012

I had been considering working on this blog for a few days now.  This morning I got an email from wordpress saying that November is National post on your blog month or something like that.  It seemed like the arrow that was pointing in the direction of start here Kimosbe.  I would like to say that in the hour it took me to start up this blog I have let my kids run a muck of the house and will probably spend the rest of the day cleaning up as repentance for letting them play unattended.  Luckily I checked on them while they were playing in Lloyd's room, because they were sitting in the window again.  I reminded them to stay off the window sill because if they fell out of the window, they would fall off the house.  They would be hurt and I would be sad.  That explanation seemed enough for them to stay out of the window area with out unnecessarily raising my voice or  making threats on snacks and movies.

Thursday is organize something in the house day on my cleaning schedule.  Today was supposed to be the day I focused cleaning out Alessandra's room, but it looks like I will end up being a home-recuperation day from too much Halloween fun yesterday.