Loneliness on the Mission and the Next Step in Getting Back in School

In reading these old journal entries, I realize I got homesick a lot, especially at the beginning.  I mean, we were the only sister missionaries on the island.  There were three of us when I started, but after Sis. Garber went home, I spent something like 10 months with just me and my companion (Sis. Garside then Sis. Tolu).  In retrospect, it was simple experiences like this that make life a bit easier now.  When we decided that I should be a stay-at-home mom, nothing else could have prepared me for that feeling of being alone that inevitably comes when your vocabulary dwindles down to simple repetitive, two-syllable words as a result of spending most of your waking hours with small children and extra-curricular activities have to be scheduled around feeding times and are dependent on how long whom ever is watching the babies can handle the crying.

***August 10, 2004 JOURNAL: Lonesome
          All through out today I've been praying to have the spirit of the Lord with me.  I point this out because it isn't the normal wanting of the Lord's spirit that goes on daily.  It's more like a pleading for the Lord's spirit to be with me, to uphold me, to fill the empty parts of my heart - of missing home and family and friends.
          I had a lot of energy today, for a good part of the day too!  I can't remember the last time i felt energetic like that.  It was nice.  I learned that the Holy Ghost really does bring things to my remembrance.  That was an amazing feeling.  To bear testimony in Pohnpeian, after having prepared and studied, then having those words I needed come back to my memory when I needed them, was awesome.


9 November 2014:

After deciding to get a degree in Music Education on my own I needed to tell Nakeu.  Elder Godoy shared

It is very likely that when we decide to take a certain path, the people we love will be affected, and some will even share with us the results of this choice. Ideally, they should be able to see what we see and share our same convictions. This is not always possible, but when it occurs, the journey is much easier.

I knew that I needed to share this decision with Nakeu.  I also knew he would, as he has always been, completely supportive of this decision.  But, I was still trying to work through what I was going through with projected thoughts of failures and short comings.

One day we were out running errands with out the babies and decided to take a drive.  We headed into Campbell Industrial Park area exactly as everyone was trying to leave and traffic was back up.  I knew this was my opportunity because we'd have to drive around for a while so as not to get caught up in boring traffic.

I told Nakeu that I was thinking about changing to my course of degree to music.
He responded with, well it'll have to be in education.
And I said, of  course.

I shared with him how I had been thinking about switching to a music degree after starting work at the Kroc Center and having applied to another music related job at a small music/piano studio.  It felt like the right fit for moving forward with completing my degree.

At this point in the conversation there were still a good number of unknowns.  I knew that I would eventually need to be at UH Manoa, but I was unsure about how soon that would be.  I knew the task would be laborious, because I am almost starting from scratch (even with credits that would transfer) because it's such a drastic change in direction.

True to form, Nakeu supported my decision and we started making small plans of what the next steps should be.  I knew I needed to start meeting with some academic advisers as soon as possible as the next most logical step.

As soon as I was done sharing with Nakeu and we got back on the main road to go home, the traffic had all cleared.

Here feels like another natural pause in the story.

Here are some old photos that I don't think I shared yet.  We went to see the VexRobotic Competition:

Excuse the watermark from my website.

Love,
ARi

Real Life Application and Halloween Parade Photos

If you are looking for Halloween photos of the babies, scroll down to the bottom.

Today's journals are nicely related again.  Learning to apply things that I learn.  To incorporate the good into my life, instead of just reading about it.

***July 17, 2004 JOURNAL: A Reflection
          Elder Dallin H. Oaks commented on why we read the Book of Mormon again and again when he said, "The Book of Mormon is the same, but the reader has changed.  That's why we keep reading the Book of Mormon."
          I think I'm beginning to understand this.  In the MTC our branch president, President Chapman, said, if we read 2 Nephi 9 every day for 30 days we'd gain a deeper appreciation for the atonement.  So, for the past month I've been studying 2 Nephi 9.  While I feel I have gained a deeper appreciation for the atonement of Christ, it's no where near where it could have been now that I think about it, because I forgot the most important thing: self-application!  I feel this exercise could have been more meaningful if I had, not only taken the time to pick apart 2 Nephi 9, but if I tried to actually apply it to myself.  To apply it to my day, my life and used it to overcome issues from past choices, I think I would've gotten so much more out of it.  Live and learn, then apply it :).



2 November 2014: It's In The Application

This week I felt like I wanted more and better direction in life.

I felt strongly when I decided to return to school and finish out a degree in Music Ed.  But then life happens.  I'm still working on the school thing, and will share more about that in another post.  Suffice it for this post to say, that I'm having to overcome some minor barriers in how to re-approach school, meeting with advisers and being passed from adviser to adviser to adviser with different and often conflicting information.

Whenever I reach barriers I think to myself, if this is where I give up and look for something else or should I press forward.  Having an answer to a prayer confirmed is all fine and good when that happens, but keeping up with knowing when I should keep pushing forward is something I struggle with.

In this last general conference, Elder Richard G. Scott said,

Despite all of the negative challenges we have in life, we must take time to actively exercise our faith...  Our Father in Heaven has given us tools to help us come unto Christ and exercise faith in His Atonement. When these tools become fundamental habits, they provide the easiest way to find peace in the challenges of mortality.

He then shared four tools we can use to exercise our faith more fully: Prayer, Scripture Study, Family Home Evening and Temple Attendance.

I thought to myself, I do that (the best I can), so what am I missing?

More meaningful application.

Last Sunday Marcella Faust gave a talk in sacrament about how keeping the commandments helps us come unto Christ.

She shared about when she started paying tithing.  One morning as she was leaving for work her car wouldn't start.  She remembered that we are promised if we pay our tithing the widows of heaven would open and pour out blessings so great we'd have wouldn't be able to contain them.  She prayed, (that bean bag frog prayer) Heavenly Father, I don't know what to do, but I know you do and I've been living my life the best I can and I need to get to work, please help.  Her neighbor (she being new in the area she hadn't met him yet) was a mechanic was able to fix her car and she was able to get on with her day.

I decided I needed to re-evaluate my prayers.  I know I say them.  I tried to follow Elder Eyring's advise in writing down things I want to remember in my prayer.  But, I also realized that I only allowed for about 30 seconds (yes an exaggeration) for morning prayer.  I decided I needed to spend more time and thought on prayers.

Elder Scott said,

Choose to converse with your Father in Heaven often. Make time every day to share your thoughts and feelings with Him. Tell Him everything that concerns you. He is interested in the most important as well as the most mundane facets of your life. Share with Him your full range of feelings and experiences. . . . as you exercise that agency and include Him in every aspect of your daily life, your heart will begin to fill with peace, buoyant peace. That peace will focus an eternal light on your struggles. It will help you to manage those challenges from an eternal perspective.

It's been an interesting week working on this.  I am beginning to understand that buoyant peace Elder Scott mentioned.  That peace of heart and peace of mind that keeps you going when there are times of struggle.

At least for now, morning and evening prayers take a lot more thought, preparation and time.  But, I also know I can keep a prayer in my heart all day long, and I tap into that too.  Because, for me, I need that constant re-assurance that I'm on the right path and that I'm going the right way.



Now for photos:

I didn't take photos of trick-or-treating time because it was really dark when we got out.  Enjoy:

Pwopwo wanted to be a witch, we talked her into being Hermione

Lloyd wanted to be the Knight Bus, from Harry Potter

Because it's so true to his personality, we let Tactac be the Incredible Hulk

Love,
ARi