Seeing the End from the Beginning

***February 10, 2004 JOURNAL: Scared and Confused
          I must need to go (on a mission.)  I can't remember my brother coming up against troubles.  But then again, he didn't tell me everything.  I'm trying to understand why it would be so hard for me to go.  Satan's working on me and it's a struggle not to give in.  It's especially hard because I can't see it - I don't know who this story is supposed to end.  I can't imagine this entire mission won't be a struggle.  I know it won't be worth my while unless I do my best and basically work myself until I "die."  And when I come back, then what?  I can't see it.  I must need to go.  If not why would it be so hard?  Why would there be so much opposition?  I need a hug.  I need to know that everything will work out.  But, I guess, sometimes you have to take a few steps into the darkness before you can see the light.  The reward doesn't come until after a trial of your faith.  I just wish my faith didn't need to be tested.  I wish I could see it.

3 November 2012

If I could see where I am now compared to where I was then, I would do it over a thousand times.

Last night we spent the greater part of our night preparing for a family fun fest up at the church today.  I learn more and more about relationships everyday I am married to my awesome husband.  Some of my favorite times spent with my husband is when we are working together on the same project.  I have learned that marriage and relationships are as much about learning to work together as much as it is about how happy I feel when I get to sit next to him and hold his hand.  It's as much about thinking about spending together forever, as it is enjoying the present.  I find when my focus changes from the me-monster to our family and our lives together, my day is much more enjoyable.  It is very easy for me to get caught up in how clean my house isn't and how much I feel my kids don't listen to the things I ask them to do.  But, when I take the time to enjoy where I am in life today all those concerns about my homemaking skills and my parenting skills and my business skills fade away to joy and happiness.